Paramnesia
by Dolce-tasie
Summary: A girl, betrayed by her closest friends and tired of being kind, resigns herself to the last sound she will ever hear: the honking of a truck. But confusion sets in as she wakes up as a thirteen-years old girl in the unfamiliar territory of Namimori with a new name, Sawada Tsunayume. (Fem!Tsuna) ON HIATUS WHILE I REWRITE IT
1. Chapter 1

**Paramnesia**

_[par-am-nee-zhuh] _

_noun _

_1\. Psychiatry. a distortion of memory in which fact and fantasy are confused._

_2\. the inability to recall the correct meaning of a word._

_(In this case, please do take more note of 1.)_

–

_A girl, betrayed by her closest friends and tired of being kind, resigns herself to the last sound she will ever hear: the honking of a truck. But confusion sets in as she wakes up as a thirteen-years old girl in the unfamiliar territory of Namimori with a new name, Sawada Tsunayume. _

–

_It seemed like a dream..._

_Until the nightmare began._

–

"Call the ambulance. She's losing consciousness. Miss, miss! Can you hear me? C – ou – ea - "

Distressed voices hit me wave after wave. Literally, because I feel myself coming back to conscious after a moment yet going out the next like a kid is playing with the light bulb named 'conscious', turning it on and off. Every time the bulb turns on, a wave of voices, barely distinguishable, hit me.

I think I can almost hear the hypnotic 'tik-tap' of the switch.

Everything in my vision turned into a blur of colour, patches of red, white and green flashing and floating. Black spots dotted my vision, until everything turned into a shade of grainy black and white like a television in the early 1950s.

What was I doing again?

Ah, I was...walking home. Crossing the street to be exact. The green man was on, so technically, I didn't break the law. (What? So what if every fucking person I know doesn't obey the traffic law? It's a habit.)

So...what happened?

Right. A truck was speeding and then...

"She pushed me away! Mama," a tearful voice cried. "That girl lying there pushed me away..." Strangely, it sounded clear to me. The other voices seem to fade into a buzz in the background, as the voice of the little boy rang out to me.

_Hey_, I wanted to open my eyes fully, but my eyelids were heavy. A blotch of grainy shades of black and white hovered over me. _Don't cry._ I wanted to say.

"Shh. W-What are you saying, Ted? The girl didn't push you away, okay? Forget about it. L-Let's go home. Quick...this would be troublesome – e - caught up - "The voices were fading away again, this time in whole. My heart fell as I processed the words.

_The girl didn't push you away._

_Forget about it._

I felt a tear slid down my cheek, the numbness on the right side of my body, and the wet and sticky liquid pooling under my body. I felt weightless, drained of energy. Sirens blared but soon faded off as every sound turned into light buzzing.

(The sudden rush of adrenaline when I saw the truck speeding, clearly not able to stop in time for the green man flashing. The young boy in a yellow shirt, his eyes fixed on the screen of a tablet.

_Walk faster_, I wanted to say, _go, go, go, because I can't reach you in time._

My feet started moving, and everything seems to stretch on. The surprised gasps of the pedestrians as they realise that the truck will slam right into the little boy and _crush_ his bones, splashing red all over the road, a broken tablet lying so innocently just a few meters away from its owner, despite being one of the factors to have caused it.

The feel of soft fabric and blood rushing in my ears brought me back to reality, as I gave a harsh shove, startling the young boy and effectively pushing him out of range of the truck.

A long horn from the truck that sounded thunderous. A thought passed my mind.

_One of the last sounds I will be hearing in this world, and yet it's so ugly. Someone should definitely design better sounding horns._)

_Forget about it. _

_Let's go home._

Everything went black.

–

I am in a deep hole, and the light seem to miraculously shone in from the opening. My natural instincts sent me pounding and scratching and trying to crawl up the rough stone walls, to reach for the light even though I have no idea how I ended up in this place and how.

A rope. There is a rope. A relieved laugh escaped me, sounding so light that if someone heard it, they would have thought that I just discovered how to make a sound after being mute for years instead of discovering a rope. A rush of fire took over my veins, as I felt the immense need to find a way _out _and _live_.

I grabbed it, and suddenly images were dug out from my mind forcefully. I screamed from the sudden attack on my mind as tears were forced to my eyes.

My name is... Sherré Langlois. I am turning sixteen in another six months.

...and I am tired. Tired of all the – all the_ stupid _things in life that are out to get you down. Life isn't fair. There's no balancing of good or bad things that happen in life. It's not _equal_. Some may be born with a silver spoon in their mouths, and have mostly good things happen to them. Their troubles are solved by others. Some might brave through their challenge with their courage and optimism. Some don't, some stay stagnant. Some reach a dead end and stop. Some gives up when they realise that their lives are just a bunch of miserable strings knotted together – and some... some just get tired.

Tired of searching for their Purpose, the purpose of life, the purpose of living, the purpose of existing, the purpose of impacting, the purpose of...the purpose of just...

being there.

If there's a clock for every life, when does mine stop?

I gasped, panting as unwanted memories ran through my mind.

We were friends. Family, even.

_It felt like a dream._

They were always there.

_A really good dream._

And vice versa.

_Then..._

They went against me. Betrayed me. Stabbed me in the back when I least expected it. When I still trusted them so wholeheartedly – feeling _guilty_ of every bad thing I thought of them, feeling _unworthy_ of them, feeling _out-of-place_ because I don't seem to be good _enough_ for them – and there they were, doing _that_ to me.

Like how my family did.

_The nightmare started._

When they had _promised_ to never be like them.

When do words – much less, promises even matter...?

Like flowers wilting, pollens dispensing – their words were as pretty and picturesque as the image, but meant as much as nothing in this world. Priceless words, really. No price for their words, because it literally weighs nothing.

When the onslaught of memory ended, I looked back at the hand grabbing the rope. It was charred black, as if burned by the memories. But I felt nothing, not the burn, not the pain, only bitterness towards everything and everyone who took me for granted.

_Or was I just meant to be nothing in the end?_

_Forget about it. _

And even after so many lessons learnt, I still went and did something that potentially caused my life, yet resulted in nothing but ungratefulness and disregard from the ones whom I sacrificed for.

The boy will probably forget me in a few years. Or months, even. I smirked bitterly. I hope the mother will remember me, always. Forever...burn my image into her mind. The one who saved her son, whom she disregarded with a flick of a few words.

Why did I even rush in front of that truck? I have a great future ahead of me as a potential psychologist, author, designer and many more choices. Why did I throw away everything for nothing?

Right...

because I probably _had_ nothing from the start.

I probably, was worthless from the start. No Purpose. No route. Dead end. Weak will.

The rope got tugged upwards, towards the light that looks a little too blinding now. My curled fingers loosen from its death grip on the rope. At the second tug, I hesitated.

At the third tug, I let go.

As the rope ascended, a familiar voice sounded in my ears.

"_Why would you want to let those shits get into your life? You are you. Je suis qui je suis – that's what you always said."_

_Calliope._

I stiffened, watching the rope slowly go out of reach.

_No_, I wanted to say – but there were always so many things I want – _wanted_to say yet never say.

"No!"

I jumped, and my fingers brushed the frays at the end of the rope.

But it was all gone in the next second.

–

I jolted awake, feeling cold sweat run down my arms and face. Shivers wrecked my body as I convulsed, feeling as if I had just went through the same roller coaster ride for ten times without break. A nauseating feeling surfaced in me, yet something in me told me that there's nothing to heave out.

I feel different.

My body was sore, almost like I had ran a fifty kilometres marathon without stopping. But it was a stupid thought. I would never run a marathon, and I could barely handle three kilometres. A bitter laugh threatened to escape until I realised my throat and lips were parched.

They deserted me that time as well, and I realised too late that they had long deserted me before that.

"Here, drink." My ears perked up slightly at the tongue spoken as cool glass was pressed to my lips. I drank the whole glass greedily, taking in the relief as the water slid down my throat. The nauseating feeling slowly settled, and my eyes focused in on the woman in white in front of me.

Japanese. She spoke Japanese. But why? This is -

"Do you want to sit up?" She asked kindly. "I understand that your body will be quite sore after being inactive for such a long time."

I nodded with difficulty, and she helped me to sit up against the bed.

Why do I feel different? In what way? Why is she speaking Japanese?

Where am I?

Questions rushed through my mind at the speed of light, but I quickly pushed most of it away in favour of giving a questioning look to the woman.

I do understand Japanese. It's the language I picked for my Third Language Elective Programme after all.

She smiled at me sympathetically. "The doctor will be here soon."

Was I sent to a Japanese-run hospital after getting hit by a truck?

The door slid open just at this time, and a man with greying hair and a white lab coat walked in, a stethoscope hanging from his neck. I directed the questioning look towards him, careful not to move my neck too much as it hurts.

"Hello, Miss." I blinked once, and sent him an impatient look. He received a pen and writing pad from the nurse. I opened my mouth, and managed to make a sound. Well, that didn't sound like me, but I'll take what I can get.

"Where am I?" I demanded, in Japanese. The doctor nodded in a placating way.

"It's okay, do not panic. You are in a hospital. The Namimori Central Hospital. You got into a car accident, remember?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. Car accident? More like _truck _accident.

"Namimori?" I asked suspiciously. "What kind of hospital is that?" The closest hospital to the street that I was on – it was near school so it should be...the Hansgher General Hospital – not – not -

I stiffened, realising what was so _wrong_ and _different_.

I didn't have brown hair. I certainly didn't have long hair. I looked at the – _my_ pale bony fingers. Looking up, the mirror facing the bed in the bathroom straight ahead reflected an unfamiliar girl with caramel brown eyes and the same shade of brown hair.

I blinked. She blinked.

The placard hanging at the edge of the bed caught my eye.

_Sawada Tsunayume._

"Miss?" The doctor tapped his foot impatiently. I turned my wide eyes to him.

"I - " I started shivering. Was the air-conditioner too cold? Did I not have enough blankets? My insides turned to ice, and tears started sliding down my cheeks. I hugged myself, bringing my knees to my chest, shaking my head profusely. A chill enveloped my body like a cocoon.

"Miss? Miss?!" The nurse's voice rang out, and I continually shook my head pushing them away with an arm.

"Where is this? Where is this place?!" I kicked the blankets off, grabbing my head in a vain effort to – to wake up, to be Sherré again. What is this place? Where am I?!

I threw the pillow at the nurse who tried to grab me, backing up to the wall and making the IV drip stand shake dangerously. A hand managed to grab me and I screamed, more tears squeezed out from my – my foreign eyes.

A prick – and black started to take me over.

"W – Who am I...?" I managed, feeling the last tear slid down my cheek before everything turned black.

Who is Sawada Tsunayume?

Who...is Sherré Langlois?

–

**A/N: So. This is a new story I came up with and I know I shouldn't have cause there's still Change and it's my year of national exams.**

**But this story and idea is particularly important to me, and I promise that it'll just be a 10th generation/Tsuna FRIENDSHIP. If there's any romance, no, it would not be with any of the family members/part of Vongola.**

**Yes, this story is important. But I have to warn that there'll be slow updates because for this story I prefer to write it on the computer rather than on my phone like Change. Uh, yes, slower than Change is already now. **

**So, please tell me how you feel about this? I am feeling a little apprehensive about this, but please please please leave a review or at least a follow/fav so I know. **

**This story's going to focus quite a lot on the 'past life' as to say, and also Tsuna/Sherré (pronounced as Sher-rhee)'s life mixed with craziness from canon.**

**Who said I am going to follow the canon? :D**

**Let's just see on the way.**

**I have to say, the inspiration for this story came from a very ugly source though. Haha. **

**Dolce x.**

**EDITED: 171115**

**I am so glad to be back with this story! I will be binge editing the updated chapters so I can start with the new ones soon! Please continue to stick with this lil thing, haha!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here's it. Thanks for the followers and favourites. :) Admittedly this is 100x faster than my pace for Change, but I am feeling stressed recently so. Lol.**

**I am well aware the first chapter was rushed, but if you read it carefully and slowly I guess it wouldn't sound that rushed? That's what I did anyway...orz The first chapter was an unofficial prologue, but I'll still call this chapter chapter 2.**

–

Sawada Nana tried to keep up her strong front even as the doctor broke the news to her.

_Yume_. Tsunayume, her daughter. Her only, precious daughter had lost all her memories due to a car accident. Her hands curled into fists, as she tried to hold in her tears to no avail. A flash of hatred strike her heart like a poisoned dagger, and Nana instantly wrenched it away. She didn't need hatred. Not now. Not when her daughter is lost and confused and_ in need of her_.

Nana tried to focus on the positive side. She always did. It makes her days brighter, and she took the phrase 'ignorance is bliss' very seriously. Laughter is the best medicine. At least her daughter is now awake, and out of the ICU. Her heart jolted when she remembered the time she received a call from the hospital dead in the night, telling her that her daughter's heart had stopped beating...

She mustered up a tearful smile.

"Thank you, Doctor."

And that's the only thing she can think of, because the doctor in front of her had saved her daughter from (_not even the brink __of_) death itself, and she is thankful.

She stood up with as much grace as she could muster after breaking down in front of a stranger, and wiped her tears with her handkerchief. The doctor watched with cautious wariness, probably all too used to seeing patients' family break down after being the bearer of bad news.

"Would you like to see her?" He offered.

Nana nodded, and the duo proceeded out of the office. _Stay strong_, Nana commanded herself.

The walk to the hospital room was far too short, and the next moment, they were in the bland hospital room Nana had gotten familiarised with two months ago. Ever since the car accident.

"I'll leave you two alone," the man clad in white coat left the room, sliding the door shut behind him.

The muted thump of the door closing sounded finalised, as if reminding Nana that _yes, she is facing her daughter – someone who does not remember her any more – a stranger._

The girl in question is on the bed, her head turned towards the window directly opposite the door. Through the misted glass from the rain, she could see caramel brown eyes reflected from it. The girl turned to look at her visitor, her face blank but mildly questioning.

She could still remember the times when those eyes were bright and twinkling, when the lips were always ready to stretch into a winning smile, when those hands were ready to stretch out and feel the wind -

(Until Nana realised, they were all fake. All of them.

She was _hurting_, all the while, on the inside. _Hurting_, _hurting_, and _hurting_... Hurting so much, so _so_ much – that she had to _cut_ herself – to _let out the bleeding_ – to _make the inner hurting stop_ -)

((_And she, as a mother, never realised._))

Nana gave her best smile.

"Hello, Yume."

It was obvious that the older woman was told of the younger girl's memory loss.

Her eyes scrutinised Nana with a scary sort of non-recognition. Tsunayume averted eye contact.

"Hello," she mumbled.

_Stay optimistic_, Nana chanted in her mind, as much as she was breaking down inside.

_It is a start. A new start, at least. At least...at least... _Nana took in the frail form of the girl, who is still too interested on a spot on the floor.

_At least she talked. It's.._.

Nana's heart crumbled.

_It's a start._

–

Truthfully, I have absolutely no idea how the fuck I ended up as Sawada Tsunayume in the small town of Namimori, Japan.

But because I hate being in the dark, I need some information. At least some theory. Who is Sherré Langlois? That's me. I mean, I have her memories, I am her. I felt what she went through. I am her. I am Sherré Langlois.

((Are you really? Or are you just a Sawada Tsunayume who lost her memories, and got Sherré Langlois' memories?))

(Shut. _Up_.)

And somehow I ended up as Sawada Tsunayume.

The last thing I remember is being in a tunnel, and...there was a rope. A rope extending down to me from the opening of the hole. I wanted to get out, so I grabbed onto the rope.

...Then I let go.

And in the end I decided I actually really want to get out after all so I jumped to grab the rope.

Then I woke up as Sawada Tsunayume.

So... my brain ran for possibilities.

What if the tunnel was actually death?

What if Sherré Langlois did die? I died, and I had a choice whether to stay dead or be alive. Again. Then the rope...the rope was the deciding factor. When I grabbed the rope, I remembered the adversities I was going through in life. I didn't want to go back and live again after getting reminded that I will be returning to such troubles. So the rope... the rope is testing my will to live. My determination to go back into the living?

Obviously my will wasn't that strong.

But... Calliope. Calliope's words rang through then. I did want to live after all? ...In a way, I would hate getting pushed around just because of some social and domestic and...argh whatever problems I had.

And I decided I wanted to live with that fickle-mindedness of mine, and jumped to grab that rope to escape.

Then I ended up as Sawada Tsunayume.

Why?

Did Sherré Langlois' – my body die? That's why another chance in life is to be Sawada Tsunayume? Then did I kick Tsunayume's soul somewhere? Or was she dying too, and we swapped souls? Or she died or gave up or didn't grab that fucking rope, and my body died and hers didn't so I ended up in her body?

I gripped my hair in frustration, still feeling a little surprised when I see brown hair instead of black.

Whatever. If this is the second life I get...

Then I am just going to have to live it. Live it well, and keep to myself. Utilise this chance well and do what I want to do but never got to do as Sherré Langlois. And this time...this time, I will not get tricked. I will not be so gullible to let _those_ kind of people trick me.

_Friendship_.

An excuse for others to make use of the weaker ones.

–

"_Tristabel, I made the posters. Do you want to see them?" _

"_Ah! So pretty! Thank you! Thank you so much, Sherré! No one has ever helped me this much..."_

"_It's nothing... Besides, it's also for the class." She giggled. _

"_You are a nice girl, Sherré_."

–

"_Hi, Evelyn, Tristy!" I greeted zealously, grabbing books from my locker as fast as I put other books in. Tristabel smiled._

"_How was your TLEP?" I wrinkled my nose, and shrugged. "It was fine, except the only thing I remember is when the teacher told us the origin of the language of Japanese." _

"_Oh, what was it?" Evelyn asked, interested. Tristabel closed her locker, and we began walking towards the cafeteria._

"_Ah, it's – hi Grace!" I bounced up to her and gave her a hug. Grace patted me non-too gently on my back as a greeting. "Can you join us for lunch today? Or are you with Matthew again?" Tristy teased, hooking her arm with Grace's. Grace flushed._

"_He has classes. I am with you guys today." We all grinned._

"_So as I was saying," I started, "my teacher said that the origin of Japanese was actually formed by prisoners of China. Apparently the Chinese didn't have enough space for all the prisoners, so they shipped them off to Korea, Japan et cetera. Then the prisoners communicated by changing the sound and appearance of Chinese characters..." _

_We made our merry way to the cafeteria. It was as usual._

_A normal day, when I still thought it was a good dream._

–

I stepped into the bedroom, feeling much like a stranger in it. Sighing, I closed the door behind me. After staying in the hospital for another week of observation, they had finally let me out. My...Tsunayume's mother – my mother brought me home, and left me upstairs to acquaint myself with my own room...again. It was awhile before I could bring myself to step into this room...that was not my room.

A _kotatsu_ lies in the middle of the room, with a medium-sized bed in the corner. I carefully sat on it, observing the cupboard placed at the furthest corner in the room. A study table is settled right at the window, with a chair on wheels. Unfinished homework and books littered the table. I wrinkled my nose – letting a sign of displeasure pass my indifferent mask.

There's no bookshelf, and the walls are light pink.

I sighed again, moving to the table and opening one of the desk drawer. Papers were hurriedly stuffed in it, and I picked one out only to twitch at the big red '5' in the upmost right corner of the paper.

So apparently, this girl Tsunayume, isn't really that smart. Or tidy. She's girlish, unkempt, and distracted. Having a study table right by the window is almost like placing an unmovable excuse to be distracted by birds and bees outside.

I placed the test back into the drawer, not bothering to close it. Moving to the cupboard next, I prepared myself before opening one of the drawers.

Dresses in any and all shades of pink and red and pastel met my eyes, and I held in my reflex to gag. _Too_. _Much_. _Pink_.

Trying another drawer, I found (_thankfully_) shirts that are white in colour. Unfortunately, that comprised of 3% of all the shirts. The rest of the shirts are in too-bright colours. I picked up a neon pink shirt in disgust. Uh. _No._

Before I could go on to rip off the posters of bands I have never heard of pasted all over the room, a voice sounded.

"Yume! Time for dinner!" I left the posters alone (_I will come back for you, you little shits_) and went downstairs to where I remember the kitchen is.

I hesitantly sat down when the bright cheerful woman waved me over. I uttered a soft 'thank you' as she settled a plate of dish down in front of me. After a few moments of bustling around, she settled down in front of me with her own plate too.

She smiled.

"Eat up!" She said cheerily. I took a bite of the Salisbury steak, feeling a little too conscious of how she's looking at me eat.

"It's nice," I commented absent-mindedly. It really _is_ nice.

"It was your favourite," I paused, then continued in the motion of delivering the piece of steak into my mouth. Cut, stab, bring it to mouth, chew, swallow, repeat.

"Y-You should eat too," I cursed my stutter to the ends of hell, "I don't feel comfortable eating alone..."

"Ah, right. Sorry, Yume," she smiled, her voice thick, almost like she was about to start crying. I kept my head low and focused on the food. _I don't know her._ But she's my mother now. She's trying to get close to me again. It's hard – it's hard for a mother to lose their child in this way. It's probably even worst than having Tsunayume die in the car accident.

Guilt stabbed my heart.

_If only I didn't become Sawada Tsunayume._

"Mama will eat now," she started on her steak, and both of us pretended to not notice the salty tears of – mother's – falling.

"I am so glad you are okay, Yume." She said quietly after awhile.

I cast my eyes downwards, feeling a little too guilty for the good-hearted woman in front of me. The next mouthful of steak was slightly harder to swallow than before.

"I am sorry...kaa-san." She looked up, surprised. I forced myself to look her in her eye. No more running away. I decided to live this well, after all.

"I...can never be the Yume you once knew," I nervously varied the strength of the grasp I have on the knife and fork in my hands.

"Even still, I wish to be able to become someone you can recognise as your daughter again." She looked as if she was going to start crying again, and I panicked.

"Uh...don't cry," I mumbled_. Don't cry, like the time that little boy was crying for Sherr__é._

"I'll really try hard, so... a-actually! I feel more refreshed, like I can start anew and stuff..." I quickly added, regarding the steak with panic. _Oh damn...crying woman alert..._

A warm laughter made me raise my head to see the sight of the relieved woman. Kaa-san smiled, tears in her eyes but no longer crying.

"I am so glad, Yume, really." She got up, moved over and hugged me. I stiffened, but relaxed soon enough and wrapped a careful arm around her.

"It's okay, it's okay if you can't be the Yume as before. It's okay...it's okay. You are still my daughter. You will always be my daughter. _Always_. Thank you for telling me how you feel, Yume." She hugged me tightly.

I quieten down, letting her sniffles override the silence of the house.

"K-Kaa-san. The steak's going cold."

She laughed airily. I decided I like her laughter.

"Oh yes, of course, Yume."

–

"And...Kaa-san?" 

"Hmm?"

"I think my favourite food is Salisbury steak, after all."

–

**A/N: This chapter ended on a more light-hearted note. Well, I don't know. Please tell me what you think of this.**

**Don't expect fast updates lol.**

**This is such an exception it can be called once in a blue moon in a blue moon in a blue moon. Because it is so rare it deserves three blue moons.**

**Tell me your questions and thoughts of this chapter please! Is there too much of _? Is there too less of _? **

**Dolce x.**

**EDITED: 171115**

**HAHAHAHAHA I WANT TO BECOME A DIGIMON TAMER**


	3. Chapter 3

**Paramnesia**

_Yume = dream_

–

Thanks to the doctor, I have a week free for myself which they dub as 'observation period', in which they have to see if that car crash had done anything else (that they haven't fix, or couldn't fix) to Tsunayume except wiping her memory out (in this case, it's kind of 'couldn't fix'...). I decided to make a list of what I have to do and find out about Tsunayume to get at least a wee bit acquainted with how life goes in small Namimori.

1\. Find out how Tsunayume does in school in terms of academics. Don't bother with social because people suck, either way.

2\. Get familiarised with Namimori. At least get to know the route to the closest supermarket, school, convenience shop and park.

3\. Practice Japanese. Just what the hell is potassium chloride in Japanese?

I mentally ticked off a few points in my head. I had found out how Yume does in terms of studying. She sucks. _Like_ _really_. In a whole new calibre of her own. I mean, who mixes up bread and butter? There's such a distinct difference I feel insulted on behalf of the two food. Her general score is around an E to F, usually around the twenty point mark for Japanese, single digit mark for English, and a range of ten to twenty for other subjects. What was this girl doing?

I felt _really_ insulted. There I was, trying to jump and grab a rope that burned my hand just for a chance to live, and she was here wasting her life away all the way long?

I felt really, superbly, extremely insulted.

"Yume, can you come down for a moment dear?"

I let out a sigh. It was okay at first, and I really tried, but being called 'Yume' was a bit too hard. Firstly, it will make this life seem like a dream. Secondly, it associates me with the lazy girl that was before me. And thirdly...

It was a nightmare – not just any dream. And I didn't want a reminder.

"Coming, Kaa-san." I strolled down the staircase, going into the kitchen where I heard the water from the tap running.

My mother beamed at me. "Yume, can you get me some groceries? I was thinking it would be a good idea for you to go around Namimori and get to know it again."

I blinked, then nodded slowly, taking the wallet and grocery list she left on the table.

"Okay..."

"Have a safe trip, Yume! The grocery store is right by the corner of the shopping district. Just turn right and walk straight ahead." A worried glint entered her eye. "Should I go with you after all?"

I quickly shook my head. Independence is important.

"It's okay, Kaa-san. I'll be back soon." She smiled at me, and I turned to leave the kitchen.

"Ah." I stopped. "Kaa-san...is – is it possible to..." She turned, and I tried to shrug nonchalantly. "Uh...call me something else than...'Yume'?"

She seemed surprise, and before she could feel any hurt or rejection (or goodness forbid, _cry_), I quickly input my explanation. "I – I just want to change! I – I seemed like a pretty bad girl before...right? Not scoring very well and all for my tests and being untidy... I just want – need a change." I pursed my lips. "Sorry if it seems selfish, Kaa-san." I added hesitantly.

The brown-haired woman bit her lower lip, then nodded slowly, her lips slowly forming into the bright smile I am still getting used to. My mother – Sherré's mother only smiled like that when she was really happy.

"Of course, Tsu-chan. Now hurry along." I mustered a smile back, before getting out of the house, half jumping out and half trying to put my sneakers on.

–

Nana felt like she had been on a roller-coaster ride of emotion so far, and truthfully, it hasn't went well. One thing she dislikes the most is roller-coasters. Many people deem they as fun, but they are not. If they were fun, what's with all the screams? The cases in which people flew out of the ride and lost their precious life? Nana didn't think it was so fun. Roller-coasters are self-proclaimed devils, only they really _are_ one. Addictive devils.

She remembers the time when she was little and the amusement park had just been open in Namimori. Her parents had took her there and her brother had insisted on riding the roller-coaster. She had disliked those little speeding carriages ever since. They were evil. They were bad. They bring irregular change to the frequency of everything, messing everything up. And Nana liked her frequency in _order_ and _predictable_, thank you very much.

She had remembered the time Iemitsu brought her to the amusement park years ago, and he had yelled in ecstatic whoops when he rode the roller-coaster while Nana gripped on for dear life. Roller-coasters are evil, _evil_ things painted in bright colours meant to trick people. They are always associated with fear, fear and _more_ fear. Fear of heights, fear of speed, fear of sharp turns, fear of flying off the seat.

Fear of losing their life.

So why did so many people, time and time again, go back to it? Because they are addictive. But Nana knew. She knew it's evil, so she refused to go back up when Iemitsu suggested, even if it was a roller-coaster with smooth turns and gentle slopes. No. It's not just turns and slopes that amounts to the roller-coaster. _It's the fear itself._

But now she had been thrown into one by one of her loved ones yet again, and she couldn't help but let the gripping cold hand encase her heart as tears slid down her porcelain cheeks. Nana thought she will never see the day this happened – haven't even realised there was the possibility of this happening – and it was here. Tsunayume, her daughter, hooked up to an IV and breathing with the help of a machine, her wrists in bandages – the evidence of self-harm.

(And she hadn't even _known_, _hadn't even suspected a thing_ -

A _failure_. She could only call herself _a failure of a mother._)

Her heart tore itself into pieces, self-destructing before more painful damage could be done to it. Since then, she had been on a roller-coaster ride, feeling scared, upset, disappointed, apprehensive, weak and a repeat and mixture of much, _much_ more nameless emotions and the mentioned.

A gasp got caught in her throat as tears rise to her eyes when she first received the news that Sawada Tsunayume was in a hospital. Then again, when she received a phone call informing her that Sawada Tsunayume's heart had stopped and is now going through emergency operation. Then again. Then again. A continuous roller-coaster ride for two months.

Until one day, her eyes had miraculously cracked open, holding an unfamiliar and confused glint. Her roller-coaster ride had went to an all-time-high and crashed down – but strangely, not all the way. It went straight after. Before going down a gentle slope to its destination – finally – when she said the magic words.

"_I want – need a change."_

Relief had crashed down on Nana, and she hadn't realise how _worried_ she had been. She had made the right choice by sending her daughter out. A little sun couldn't hurt her. She will be fine. She had emerged – somehow stronger than she was last time, more ready to face a challenge. Like the loss of memories had fuelled her want and need for knowledge and _experiences_.

As Nana sat down on the sofa, her shoulders sag and a relieved sob escaped her.

She hadn't even told Iemitsu anything.

Sawada Nana had braved the roller-coaster by herself, for the first time in her life.

–

"Ah! You are the daughter of the Sawada household, if I am not wrong?" The zealous shopkeeper asked. "I heard you got into an accident. Are you fine now?" She asked in her knowing and cautious way.

Of course the rumour would have spread out that Tsunayume lost her memory. I took a deep breath. I am Tsunayume. Tsunayume is me.

"Yes," I muttered in reply, wishing that she would just hurry it up and give me the total bill, "I am sorry if I knew you before, but I lost my memories."

She gasped, but the thought was appreciated enough that I didn't release an annoyed sigh. "I am sorry, dear. Here, your bill." _Finally_.

I quickly paid and got out of the grocery store, tracing my route back home. It was fairly simple, literally a 'walk down the street'. Hm, maybe I can ask Kaa-san if I can take a walk around the shopping district some time tomorrow... I need to find out where my school is as well. But I'll do that the day before I need to go back to school.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't realise when I reached a few units before mine. A chihuahua barked at me from a locked gates, and I made a note in my mind to steer clear of that house. Even as Sherré, I was dead afraid of dogs (anything that moved that is not...uh, _human_, kind of scares the fuck out of me, but never mind that first). But better not to made that so clearly known.

I closed the door behind me, placing the bag of groceries down on the floor as I bend down to untie my sneakers.

"I am home." I uttered awkwardly, still not used to announcing my presence whenever I enter the house.

Picking the bag of groceries up, I went in to the kitchen and placed the bag of groceries on the table. "Kaa-san?" I asked softly, peeking into the living room where I can hear the soft hum of the television. Seeing no one, I walked into the living room, picking up the remote control and switching the television off.

Mother is sleeping on the sofa, curled up into a ball, breathing softly. I sighed – like it was a common occurrence, but fact was that I was not even here for more than two week. Surprised, I shook my head at myself and retrieved a spare blanket from the lounge room, placing the blanket over the person I now call my mother.

I went back to place the groceries back in their preferred places, which is mostly the refrigerator. Bell peppers of different colours were placed neatly in their places with the leftovers, and eggs were refilled back in their tray. Soon enough, everything was in order and I had opened the cupboards and drawers so many times that I had memorised where everything was.

I walked past the living room to get to the staircase, where I see a few family photos hanging. Tsunayume...was smiling brightly in the ones she appeared in. _Can I smile that way too?_

Pushing away the stupid thought (_why was it stupid? Because it is obvious that you can never smile like that?_ A voice tauntingly said. I squashed it mercilessly), I returned to my room (_this time noticing that there's actually a plague with a fish carved into it hanging from my door_), settling down at the study table and going to work with filing all my tests (_wincing at every horrible mark I see_) and organising my study table.

At least I am busy. It keeps everything off my mind – especially the fact that today is May 30 – Alisa's birthday.

–

"Celebrate Alisa's birthday?"

"I think we can consider going to the Trevelyan Park." I suggested, my voice enthusiastic and my eyes bright.

They ignored me._ No, they just didn't notice I talked. It's okay._

"I think we can consider going to the Trevelyan Park." Alisa suggested, and everyone started nodding in agreement. I watched helplessly as they started discussing the details of what they would do there. My heart fell.

_It's okay._

"Hey, Sherré, you said that just now, right?" Hailey asked, concerned. "Don't worry, okay? Alisa's not ignoring you."

I shook my head with a small smile. "I am fine. They didn't hear me, that's all."

–

"Yesterday was so fun!" Alisa exclaimed, and people started to gather around her as she exclaimed what she and the light music clique did together. I gripped my pen tightly.

_Wasn't I part of them? Why didn't I know there was an outing?  
_

"H-Hailey." She turned. "Hm?"

"Uh...you...you went for the outing, right?" I tried for a feeble smile. "Did you have fun?"

"Oh," she bit her lower lip. "I am sorry, we didn't ask you along." That made me feel marginally better. Maybe they just forgot. And I was too busy yesterday...maybe they did call?

"No, it's fine," I smiled reassuringly. "It's cool, Hailey. I am glad you had fun?"

She beamed. "Yes! It was super fun! We went to the Trevelyan Park and cycled..."

I maintained the smile as she continued.

–

"Hey, Sherré! Do you know how to do this question?" Alisa asked, a pout already forming at her lips. I smiled tiredly, feeling a headache coming on. Not getting enough sleep should be a taboo for me from now on.

"Yeah, I'll teach you."

"Oh thank you!"

After Alisa went, Calliope came to my seat. "Sher, why were you helping her of all people?" She asked, shooting a disgusted look at the girl. "She's annoying, and her attitude to you sucks ass. She only remembers you when she needs you. Why bother helping her?"

I shook my head, patting her on her back and popping aspirin into my mouth.

"She's my friend." I replied quietly.

–

"Who asked you to voice your opinion?" She asked, displeasure lacing her words. Hurt seeped into my features as I processed the words aimed at me.

"I didn't ask you to say anything, Sherré Langlois." She sneered, turning and heading back to her band of friends. Hailey noticed me standing at the side and came over. Alisa sent me a dark glare, failing in her attempt to drag Hailey away. I frowned, looking down on the ground.

_Am I really that much of a burden? Why? Why is she being hot and cold to me all of a sudden?_

_What did I do wrong?_

"Hey, Sherré! Hurry it up, or we'll leave you behind!" Hailey helped me grab my bag, going ahead. I watched her back slowly get smaller and smaller, her ponytail bouncing with every movement.

_But you guys left me long ago._

–

"Hey, Sherré, why are you still staying with Alisa? You'll only hurt yourself even more. Her stuck up attitude is...urgh." Tristabel said. I pursed my lips.

"Yeah," Evelyn agreed. "Just come with us." Grace patted me on my back. "Besides, you can't just hang onto them forever. Alisa's using you."

They won't even notice if I go.

...right.

I managed a bright smile at them.

"Thank you for being here for me, girls!"

They really _are_ a godsend.

Grace grinned, and Evelyn smiled. Tristabel ruffled my hair.

"It will be fine."

–

_Yes, it would have been._

_If it had not turned into a nightmare._

…

_if you were not the nightmare_

–

**A/N: Hi. Thank you for the one who reviewed! And of course the lovelies who favourited and everything. :) Thanks for the support! The daily life arc will come out soon, with Tsunayume's horrendous grades hohoho. But really, how do you say potassium chloride in Japanese? Lol.**

**Please leave a review to let me know what you think!  
**

**Cheers.**

**Dolce x.**

**EDITED: 171115**

**I WANT TO BE A POKEMON MASTER TOO**


	4. Chapter 4

**Paramnesia**

* * *

If only I didn't let go of that rope the first time. Would I have returned to being Sherré Langlois all the way in England – or would I still have been Sawada Tsunayume here – in Namimori, Japan? Was it fate that I ended up here?

Fate? Is there even such a thing? If there was, why did I end up as Tsunayume? What purpose do I have?

I cleared my mind of this train of thoughts, but another train crashed right into my mind then next moment. Imagine what Cali, Jac, Hailey, and other people would feel right now... Well, at least it's for certain that my _mother_ would be throwing a party when she heard that her _darling_ _daughter_ got her guts spilled out literally from an accident. (_But fuck, that truck really did hurt like a bitch_.)

Going back to the topic, Cali would be so upset at me, and probably be hitting at Sherré's grave and trying to unearth the body... Hmm, what would Jac do? Probably help Cali, but once she's calmed down she'll be helping to bury my body back. Hailey... She probably wouldn't even _know_ I was dead, until the news said so. But it's not her fault – we drifted apart after all...

Sighing, I looked down at my small hands and grimaced. How would they feel, indeed. How _do_ I feel, then? Am I even in the same universe as them any more? Are they in this world? Did Sherré once existed, or was it just a fluke of a memories that took over Tsunayume's old ones?

_Well, this is a unique existential crisis I am having._

"Tsu-chan! Can you come down for a moment?"

Releasing the second sigh of the day, I rose swiftly, bringing all the posters of bands unheard of with me (_yes, you lil bitches, you're going in the trash, all of you_).

"Yes, kaa-san?"

She smiled brightly at me, her short brown hair swaying in the wind that came in from the open window. "Can you grab some tomatoes for me? It seems we are running short." The corners of my lips tilted up slightly in reply as I grabbed the wallet on the table.

"Gimme twenty minutes, kaa-san. Be right back."

"Be careful!" She waved me off cheerfully, turning her attention back to her cooking.

I shrugged on a hoodie, before stumbling my way out of the house while pulling on my sneakers. Trashing the rolled up posters in the nearby trashcan had been a satisfying feat to accomplish.

There are two more days before I have to return to school (after getting the all-clear from the doctor tomorrow), and I have sorted out most of the things I want to. Route from house to shopping district, check. Route from house to school, well, from what I heard from kaa-san, I can just follow the throng of students in the morning (or risk having kaa-san herself to bring me there, which is a no-no because I am mentally sixteen and a proud independent woman having existential crisis), but I would like to be more prepared so...

"May I have a bag of tomatoes?" I inquired politely. The shopkeeper smiled kindly and passed me one, while I thought deeply about what to do to be more prepared.

"Here!" I passed her the money, and started walking off. A pricking at the back of my neck gave rise to an uncomfortable sensation that shot down my spinal cord. I tensed, and looked behind me.

To only see the usual crowd of people milling about, doing their own things.

_Huh... strange. I could have sworn that someone was staring at me._

* * *

Reborn pulled his fedora lower as the girl in question turned back onto the route, this time lightly jogging back down to the housing district. He raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued at how she seem to have sensed his stare. He kept up, weaving through the throng of people and keeping unnoticed from the general eye.

The road soon cleared as she reached the quieter roads, passing by houses and such. According to the report from Iemitsu, the girl (_cute little tuna-fishie Yume-chan who can't hurt a fly to save her life_), Sawada Tsunayume, was supposed to be non-athletic, weak and bad at studies, but generally cheerful and kind.

_Well, he didn't see any of those traits. _

Looks like someone is going to get a beating back in Italy. Reborn smirked ominously.

The hit-man watched as she dropped the tomatoes off in her house. He peeked in through the open window and studied the mother and daughter closely. Sawada Nana seem to be exactly what Iemitsu had described – naïve, never out of cheer, and has cooking skills that could best Vongola's chefs. Tsunayume, however, seem to be a little out of sorts.

"Kaa-san, I am heading out for a little while."

"Hmm, where?" She asked, slightly distracted by cooking.

"The park," Tsunayume replied hastily as she ran out of the house again, stumbling as she tried to pull on her sneakers at the same time.

"Okay, be careful Tsu-chan!"

Reborn quickly made a choice to follow the girl as she jogged slowly in the direction of Namimori Middle School. The white building peeked out from many roofs, and she kept check of it every few minutes as she took turns around the neighbourhood. The hit-man quickly marked the nearest parks around this area, but found that the girl was not heading in any particular parks.

Not too concerned about the girl having possibly lied to her mother, Reborn followed closely behind, instead reaching the conclusion that the girl was to arrive at Namimori Middle School at this rate.

But why did she want to go back to her school? Teenagers at this age most probably hate to go back to school outside school hours. This peaked Reborn's already rising curiosity even more.

She stopped right in front of the school. The sky slowly turned orange, as she looked up at the school with a...wistful expression?

A little talk, Reborn guessed, wouldn't hurt.

He made his footsteps sound as the hit-man advanced on the brown-haired girl. She turned, and her eyes met his instantly, almost like she had wanted to search for his eyes.

"Good evening," Reborn started, looking up at her and finally able to get a good look at the girl. To be fair, she looks close to healthy – almost like she had just recovered from a bad illness that had her bedridden for months.

She squatted down, and tilted her head with an inquisitive look. Long brown strands fell from their places behind her ear, and the corners of her lips tilted up slightly in an enigmatic way – like she knew something he didn't.

(_But of course, that was not possible._)

"Good evening," she greeted, "are you lost? Where's your guardian? Parents?"

Ah, the usual conversation, of course.

"They are not here," he replied calmly, and truthfully.

From this close, Reborn could see that her cheeks were slightly sunken in, and she was much too thin, giving her a slim and pretty look. Pretty, well, that could definitely be of use when she is to become a Mafia boss. Her brown hair hung in loose limp waves to her waist, and her caramel brown eyes seem to be able to see through any deceit. Befitting of someone with Hyper Intuition – or going to have, anyway.

"That's not good," she frowned, "why don't I help you find your parents?" She asked. _Kind, check. _

"Sawada Tsunayume," she jerked, turning around to face the black-haired male standing at the school gates. Reborn met his cold steel eyes, before smirking and turning away, quickly finding coverage on one of the nearby trees.

"How...do you know my name?" She asked, her posture tense as she regarded – who was it that his files said – ah, Hibari Kyoya.

"It's against school rules to loiter outside the gates after school hours," he snipped out. Reborn did not miss the glint under his gakuran's sleeves. Tsunayume stood up from her squatted position calmly, tilting her head slightly in a 'oh-so?' look, but her expression not showing a hint of that.

The corners of her lips tilted up slightly into a small smile. "I see," she nodded, "I am sorry." She turned around, probably to search for Reborn, only having a hint of surprise cross her eyes at seeing that the kid was gone. The kid in question could only smirk in amusement at her expression, which can also be deemed as a slight crack in her mask.

_Mask, yes, mask, of course, it is obvious the girl seem different, even from the usual teenage girl._

Tsunayume turned back to Hibari coolly. "Sorry for the disturbance. I shall be heading back." She sketched a bow and walked away from the school, the disciplinary committee's steely eyes following her.

Hm, another thing that he didn't need to teach her. Coolness against pressure, check. But of course, that only added to the enigma that Sawada Tsunayume was quickly becoming.

* * *

Only a few paces away, that glaring boy spoke up again.

"Sawada."

I stopped, but only turned my body half-way to face him. "Yes?" Kaa-san said she's making steak with egg today...yum, I haven't had that since Sherré...

"Why did you come here?" Well, that's a peculiar question.

"I..." _Uh, well, is there any need to hide at all? If the tomato-selling auntie knows about it, I bet this entire small town knows about it._ "I was just checking the route to school...I am coming back to school in a few days."

A glint entered his blue-grey eyes, as if he had confirmed something.

_Haha. He knows. _I thought dryly to myself. _Good job, self._

"May I go now?" At his nod, I walked down the road, my mind wandering to the weird kid who disappeared just now.

The sky turned dark, and I let loose a few curses under my breath, jogging down the lane. Speaking of which, is there a family rule that says no to being late for dinner? I won't mind...it's almost a sin to miss Kaa-san's cooking.

* * *

Reborn is in a dilemma.

It wasn't easy to get Reborn in a dilemma at all, he had an innate ability to make a snap decision, and the right one too. But, this time, he had to really think clearly about what to do. The wrong step would lead him right into a spring trap that will take a long of time to fix.

That said, the hit-man was trying to decide between following his plan and drop the flyer in the mailbox, or to wait a little longer and gather more information.

The original plan was made on what information that _idiota_ Iemitsu has given. However, it might not be wise to push back meeting the girl officially (as her tutor), depending on whether it is more beneficial to observe her as an outsider or gather information as an insider.

However, from what he had gathered of following the girl around this day, the girl had strangely strong defences against people around her. And from what Reborn could see, she didn't spend her time texting or laughing at a computer like usual teenage girls – neither was she the type to spend all her time trying out make-up and buying new dresses with her girl friends. Tsunayume seem quiet, aloof, and withdrawn. The complete opposite of the information Iemitsu had given. Also the complete opposite of the young girl in the photos hung up in the Sawada household.

Reborn let a smirk grace his features as he made up his mind.

Information may be power on the battlefield, but this is no battlefield. Besides, gathering information as an insider would definitely be more efficient than doing so as an outsider.

Two more things to do, and he shall finally drop the flyer.

(But of course, the gourmet in him is also looking forward to the Sawada patriarch's famed cooking.)

* * *

"You're the same as him," Hibari stated in his seat, behind the table.

Reborn acquainted himself with the plush couch in the cosy room, leaning back and relaxing.

"I am," Reborn replied, "but I am not here to talk about that. I would like to know about Sawada Tsunayume." He said. Listening in to the gossip of the ladies in the district had been draining – he had never been one to like women's talk. It didn't help that he did not get anything useful. But here – an entire mount of treasure of information available (that did not involve listening to women's nitpicking about daily life – _bitch, you ain't the one killing for a living _– was too tempting to ignore), it is of course that Reborn had detoured here.

Hibari narrowed his eyes. "And why should I tell you, infant?"

Reborn raised the cup of coffee he had bought to his lips and hid the grimace from the substandard taste. Looks like a hunt for decent coffee is due.

"I am her tutor, or would-be. She would be the Vongola's Tenth soon, and I will be training her. How about the offer that she would be your sparring partner?" Reborn hid the smirk behind the cup as he saw a look of contemplation enter Hibari's eyes. Hibari or not, this was a tempting offer, especially to a young, wild Hibari such as he.

"...and how do I know she will be strong enough?"

Reborn pulled the fedora down to shadow his eyes.

"Are you questioning my abilities then, Hibari?"

A moment of tense silence reigned, before a sound of rustling broke it. A file got thrown on the table with precise accuracy.

Reborn did not bother to hide his smirk this time.

"Why, gratitudes to you."

The male grunted non-committally, his eyes averted. Reborn left the room with the brooding male, who definitely was feeling quite irate right now at having lost a verbal fight against someone. Especially someone he deemed 'like him' – of course, in referral to Fon.

Reborn palmed through the records on a nearby tree, making a side-note in his mind to make some secret passageways all round the school for closer observations of Sawada Tsunayume.

His eyes widened as he reached the comments of the records.

_Bullying observed. Grades has dropped by 23%._

_Signs of self-harm shown, self-inflicted wounds on wrists by sharp objects. Skipping of classes observed. (Article 4 on 'skipping classes' for reference of punishment.)_

_Car accident occurred – broken ribs, fracture – left arm, large abrasions on body, head injury, concussion. In a coma. (See medical records at end of report.)_

_Woke up from coma after two months. Amnesia observed._

Reborn pulled his fedora down, refusing to let out a frustrating sigh. No wonder that strange line that caught his attention – _"I was just checking the route to school...I am coming back to school in a few days." _

What the fuck is Iemitsu even doing?

Pushing aside the Iemitsu-fucks-up issue, Reborn thumbed through the medical records quickly. She had just woken up recently. After some therapy session (which all concluded that Sawada Tsunayume had lost all of her memories – with her speech and normal activites' abilities are left alone) and physiotherapy to get the muscles in her legs to work from their inactivity while she was bedridden, she was released from the hospital for an observation period, which will be ending in two days.

A schedule started forming in his head as he quickly headed off.

He could drop the flyer off today, then be called up as the tutor tomorrow. Acquaint himself the next day, then go with the mother-daughter duo to the hospital the day after that.

Well, that definitely sounded like a plan for his new student.

In any ways, the hit-man was excited – to see what kind of student she could be.

(Dino had been the amusing kind.)

With that, the hit-man heard the satisfying sound of the mailbox clanking shut, and of Sawada Nana moving to get the mail.

* * *

**A/N: How was this chapter? Reborn is finally coming in! :D**

**Guys, please review and tell me how you feel about this chapter! I was like "whaaa so many people are following my story, yet nobody tells me how they feel ;;" Please at least leave a note to tell me how it's like, and how I can improve it! :o**

**Thank you for following this story till now! I look forward to what you have to say about it! :)**

**And of course, this story will have all the friendship struggle untold in the anime...and told by me. (mwahahaha)**

**Soo excited for when the right people comes up, but not at all planned for them lol.**

**Dolce.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Paramnesia**

**A/N: Ello! Thanks to everyone who has followed and reviewed and favourited this story! :D Thank you for reading Paramnesia (:**

**By the way, whatever I skimmed or skipped over, it means that it should be the same as canon. Eg. I did not mention how Reborn was called to the Sawada household. Well, in the canon, it was the 'I will train your child to be the leader of the new generation. All I need is a roof and three meals a day', right? Yeah, it's around the same here (since I didn't mention it lol).**

* * *

_Her hands were clenched, thin blood vessels showing through her pale skin. Evelyn covered her hand with hers, muttering something fervently. Sherré's eyebrows furrowed as she did her stretches. _

"_Uh, guys? What's happening?"_

_Tristabel looked up from her prayer, her expression ghastly and apprehensive. "What if we don't pass the endurance run?"_

"_Hah?" Sherré sighed. "What the heck?"_

_Evelyn nodded in agreement. "If we don't pass this, we'll have to redo it for the entire year, right?" Tristabel grimaced, relishing the time when she had to endure the embarrassment and the harsh training for failures._

"_But you guys were the one training since the start of this year..." _

"_Let's just pray together," Tristabel suggested, "so that we'll all pass together, okay?"_

"_If it makes you feel better..." Sherré muttered blankly._

"_Let's promise to all stay together during the run?" Evelyn suggested brightly._

'I can't run well either, so it'll be good to stick with strong runners who can drag me to the end...'

"_Lemme call Grace over too," Tristabel hurriedly said and rushed off to the nearby table where Grace was sitting with Matthew. Evelyn turned to Mary and started chatting animately with her._

"_Okay..." Sherré offered her consent, but no one was listening._

* * *

"_Are you related to A-" September Lavigne shot him a glare, and the boy quickly scurried away with apologies spilling out of his mouth faster than he could run._

_"I swear, one more person asking me if I am related to Avril bloody Lavigne and I will-" she muttered under her breath, her fingers making heavy dents on the (unfortunate innocent) aluminium can she was holding._

"_Oh, I ruined another one... Shucks," not sounding quite too 'shucks', the girl opened a desultory unfortunate locker that came her way and stuffed the can in. Slamming the locker door shut with a satisfying clang, she made her way into the lounge where panting and – goodness forbid – _smelly_ students were already filing out after the run._

'Now let's find one really tall and awkward person – wait something's wrong.' _Her steps stopped as she got closer to the clusters of students – and the lone student sitting in the middle of room._

"_Sherré? I am so sorry, we didn't mean to leave you behind during the run. It was just – we are sorry..." Tristabel pleaded, being seated next to the balled-up girl. September didn't know someone so tall could be so small now._

"_I am sorry, too, for leaving you behind," Evelyn put in her two cents, but the girl in question did not respond. September could almost imagine a translucent dome surrounding the balled-up girl, deflecting any and every attempt to converse with her, including the flippant apologies. _

_September calmly strode over and sat down in front of the girl. Tristabel and Evelyn threw questioning and worried faces at her, which she replied with a nonchalant shrug. She had no time to deal with these kind of people. Grace walked over and leaned down, but the usually-too-physical girl didn't seem to dare to touch Sherré._

"_Uhm... Sherré, I am sorry... I need to go off with Matthew now, guys." When the aforementioned girl did not even budge, Tristabel took the hint and waved her goodbye. _

_After a few minutes of tense silence, Evelyn spoke up._

"_Uh... We have to go now. We'll see you tomorrow?" September pointedly ignored their attempts to catch her eye (it's not like her consent for them to go off meant anything), but soon enough, their shuffling footsteps told her of the two's cowardly retreat. '_Probably off to celebrate them passing the endurance run with flying colours'_, she snorted sarcastically in her own mind._

_Sherré did not budge, and neither did September. Droplets of tears smashed hard into the stone floor, and the latter pretended not to notice that the girl was crying. Hard._

_Only after a long moment of silence, when everyone had emptied out the lounge a long time ago, and the teachers had packed up and went home, did Sherré raise her head and asked with her hoarse voice if they could get a drink together. September immediately stood up and the duo made their way to the vending machine, each buying a bottle of sports drink._

"_Are you free...? To go Starbucks, I mean." The black-haired girl blinked down at her half-finished sports drink, her eyes red and dazed._

"_Yeah, of course," September replied, shouldering her back and smiling lightly. "I haven't had Starbucks for awhile."_

_Only after they settled down with a cup of coffee in each of their hands did the girl tear up again, her swollen eyes clearly screaming that it had overproduced tears that day._

"_They left me behind, Sep!" She burst out, more tears spilling forth from her eyes in their private little corner in the café. "After all those talks about '_staying together', 'passing together', 'friends forever' _– just shortly into the second round around the track, I slowed down..." September felt a stab of sympathy for the girl, who had always been so naïve and trusting. Sherré had gotten very sick last winter, and hasn't exercised much since. Slowing down after four to five hundred metres was probably a feat for the tearing girl already._

"_And they left me behind," she spat, another tear running down her cheek. "With only Tristabel saying 'Sherré, hurry up!', then turning her back and leaving me behind..._

"_I believed they would come back for me after they completed the run, or something, but they never did... I failed the run, Sep, I failed the run and I feel so disgusted with myself because I am angry at them. But I know I am not angry at them because I failed the run, I am angry at them because they did not do as they promised – they barely tried to fulfil their promise! After all that talk about 'staying together' -" She broke down into even more tears, and September calmly rummaged through her bag to produce tissues for the girl._

"_Then after the entire thing when I finished the run, Tristabel and Evelyn saw me, yet they only walked past me, not even going to ask how I did, or how I was, just walked past me because they wanted to check their own damn timing!" The front of her shirt is wet, as usual, when she would wipe her tears with the front of the shirt._

_"Aside from that, I feel so angry! So angry – so frustrated... And then after they finish all their damn things and check their damn timings, they have the nerve to look for me and apologise for leaving me behind!" She scoffed, but it was clear that relieving the memories were heartbreaking. "It doesn't matter, Sep, it doesn't matter, their words don't matter because from how I see it, they were the ones who passed and I was the one who failed... Whatever they said would have sounded hypocritical to me, yet they continued yapping about how they were sorry to leave me behind – if you were going to be _so_ sorry then don't break your promise in the first place! I hate liars!"_

_She sniffed, and used another tissue. September sipped her coffee, urging her friend to continue._

"_I...sound bratty, don't I, Sep?" She took a drink of her own coffee then. "So, so bratty... It's making me hate myself even more than I do before. How, Sep," she looked up, and her dark brown eyes met the calm girl's black ones. "How...can someone be so flawed?" She let out a mirthless laugh, another tear slipping down her cheek._

"_How can someone like me...exist? I feel so conflicted, Sep... It's not just because of this stupid run and being left behind by them – it's because this run, and their actions, showed me so much more. I may be just over-thinking or being an idiot, but Sep, would you...have left me behind?" She asked, her lower lip quivering._

_September does know that saying what she wanted to hear would be therapeutic to the crestfallen girl, but it wouldn't work. She is an honest friend, and honest must she be._

"_Honestly?" September cracked a smile out. "I think you'll run faster than me. I failed, too, you know." A wry smile took her face over. _

_That got a shaky laugh from Sherré. "I am so glad, Sep...that you are here. Thank you for being here for me. Looks like I have something to think about when I get home."_

_September grinned. "Always, idjit. We've been together for years, after all."_

"_Yeah," she agreed quietly. "For years..."_

* * *

_Pants punctuated the atmosphere as her tired body tried to catch up. Bad pop music blared through the speakers, but those were cast to the back of the girl's hazy mind as she tried to continue putting one foot after the other._

Pass this, pass this...

_They left me behind._

There's no time to think about that, just focus on passing this run...

_They promised._

Don't think about it, just push yourself even further.

_But...they promised. Why, then...?_

Continue running, continue, keep up, it's okay if you slow down, just don't stop running.

_They're liars._

Run, run, run.

_I hate liars._

_The world fell away when she heard the words leave the teacher's lips. She failed? She failed the run... but she tried her best, why didn't she pass?_

_Why did they leave her behind? They promised, didn't they?_

* * *

"_Fine, fine, leave me alone and I'll get the newest Pokémon game for you on the way home... Don't touch my stuff either, okay?"_

_"Throw in a crepe and I'll leave your stuff alone." A cheeky smile lighted her face up._

"_You blackmailer... Argh whatever, fine."_

"_Promise?"_

"_Childish... DON'T TOUCH THAT- I PROMISE OKAY I PROMISE!"_

"_Haha! Yay!"_

_A grudging hand came down to pat her head._

"_Kids..."_

* * *

"_I offer my condolences for your loss... Your brother had passed away."_

"_W-What are you saying?" A mirthless laugh started bubbling in my throat. "He's still there, trying to play a joke on me, right? Well, tell him I saw right through that he doesn't want to buy me the new game." Tears erupted from her eyes. "Tell him it's alright for him to not buy me the crepe – or the game – and I wouldn't touch his stuff too and I would leave him alone as long as he wants me to – WHAT ARE YOU STILL STANDING HERE FOR? TELL HIM THAT! YOU WON'T TELL HIM THAT? THEN I WILL GO BY MYSELF – leT GO OF ME! LET GO LET GO!"_

* * *

_I hate liars. _

_You promised me, didn't you, Zach? I don't care about the game or the crepe any more..._

_..._

_Why won't you wake up, Zach?_

_Wake up..._

_WakE UP YOU IDIOT_

_WakE Up NoW_

_Wake up..._

_..._

_please?_

* * *

"My name is Reborn, and I will be your new tutor." Kaa-san clapped her hands in delight.

"A child prodigy! Recently, they've become really smart, haven't they, Tsu-chan? I think this is a great opportunity! We're in your care, Reborn-chan!" She beamed, like the rays of a thousand suns. I let out a sigh. Well, if it makes her happy...

"Okay okay... I hope to learn lots from you, Reborn-san." I sketched a bow to the comically smart figure of a child whom I've met yesterday outside the school. To think that he would be my tutor... Well, as long as I can catch up to date with schoolwork.

"Reborn is fine," he replied in his squeaky high voice. "Lead me up to your room, Tsuna."

That's new. Nobody ever called me 'Tsuna' before.

I smiled benignly at him. "Okay, come on up." Kaa-san had already returned to the kitchen to work her magic, and so I brought him up to my room to acquaint himself with me. Eh, but I have never seen a child donning a suit before... _isn't that wonderfully mysterious now, Tsuna,_ I thought sardonically to myself.

"Here, this is my room." I closed the door behind me, and settled down in front of the _kotatsu_. "Kaa-san said she'll be finishing with making dinner soon. Which subject will we be working on first?" I asked, digging out for books and writing utensils. Meeting silence and an uncomfortable pricking on the back of my neck, I looked up to meet the child's beady black eyes.

"Yes, Reborn?" I settled my pencil case down on the table, my eyes questioning.

"I am actually here to train you, Sawada Tsunayume." I raised an eyebrow at that.

"Tutor me in school work...you mean?" I tried for a bland smile.

"You are a candidate for the Tenth boss position of the Vongola famiglia, the largest mafia mafia syndicate in this world." My heart leaped at that, and my eyebrows furrowed. The back of my sane and logical mind screamed at me that it is a very good time to shut up and listen to him. "I am the world's best hit-man, Reborn, and I was sent here by the Ninth to train you so that you can take up the mantle of the Tenth position."

My eyes went down to the notes I laid out on my table. "Cool, let's start with chemistry?" The words tumbled out of my mouth before going through the brain filter. I groaned inwardly – what if Reborn thought I was belittling him? _Excuse me, but I do have a healthy respect for child prodigies..._

"I don't doubt your respect for child prodigies, but I am not one. I am the world's best hit-man," the child said calmly, the chameleon on his head climbing obediently in his hand_ and turning into a fucking gun_, "and it is best that you not treat my words as a joke."

My shoulders tense, and I let out a breath, rubbing the back of my tingling neck, as if my body was trying to tell me that what Reborn said was true.

Tsunayume, if you didn't have a fucked up life before I came, well, you do now.

"Fine," I huffed silently, sitting straighter. "Put away the gun and we can talk," I said grudgingly. _Why was I negotiating with a child again?_ Taking note not to show my thoughts through my body language – _this lil genius can read body languages to a T, I swear _– so that the child in front of me can't make use of my thoughts.

The chameleon-turned-gun became a gun-turned-chameleon, and a bead of sweat rolled down my face. _Isn't it illegal to have a shape-shifting creature? Much less a talking two-years-old? Oh goodness forbid a child prodigy slash world's best fucking hit-man who refuses to teach me chemistry and wants to talk to me about some make-up Mafia business?_

_Kaa-san, you hired the wrong guy._

"You don't think I am speaking the truth," Reborn let the chameleon crawl up his arm slowly._ No shit, sherlock_, I tried not to bite back.

"Well, I just have to make you believe it," he produced three photos. "Here, see this? Enrico, the eldest, got killed in a feud. Massimo, the second eldest, was drowned-" He happily dished out the photos of mutilated bodies and my eye twitched.

"Wait – if he's part of the Mafia then _why can't he swim_?" I said in disbelief. "And why would you take a photo of a dead guy in a lake? Rescue him, dammnit!"

"Oh, his arms were cut off- same with his legs, you see. Hard to swim without limbs, yeah? Not everyone's Nick Vujicic..." Reborn said sarcastically, putting out another photo. I bit back another offensive retort – _I like Nick Vujicic, thank you very much!_

"And the youngest, Federico, only had his bones sent back to the manor." My eye twitched again at the bones and skull proudly displayed in a jar in the photo.

"Here, you believe me now, don't you?"

_As if! _I tried not to cry out.

"And here's your family tree," he spread out a large parchment that ranged from someone called 'Ieyasu' downwards. I saw Tsunayume highlighted in pink at the bottom of the tree.

"Wow, thanks, never knew my heritage," I remarked with a touch of sarcasm.

"You're unbelievably sassy, Tsuna." Something urged me to dodge – _not urged, screamed_ – and I quickly dropped my body, bumping my head on the edge of the table at the same time as when I heard a loud bang ring out in my ears.

"_What the fuck?_" I burst out, tears in my eyes from the hard bump my head got, as I raised my head – only to see a neat hole in the wall where my head was previously. The image sent a chill down my spine, especially when smoke drifted lazily out from the bullet hole. My eyes turned back hesitantly to see Reborn with his eyes shadowed by the small fedora, the green gun in his hands never looking so threatening.

"Listen to me, Tsuna, I am not joking around," he raised his head only to reveal a terrifying glare that had me frozen in place. "You are going to be a Mafia boss." _Who knew a kid could have such a glare?_

Everything was tense and silent, and nobody moved a muscle. It seemed that even the birds outside were scared off by the loud bang from the gunshot.

_Well, heck, if you told me you weren't serious now, I wouldn't believe you._

My mind slowly processed his words, and I forced one muscle by one muscle to relax. Rolling my shoulders, I let out a sigh.

_Kudos to you, Tsunayume, die on me at this time won't you._

"I don't want to be a Mafia boss," I enunciated carefully, risking enough to let my eyes hover in a spot above my notes. "I just want to get good grades and make Kaa-san happy. I don't need this craziness in my life, especially not now. If you are really a hit-man of this strongest famiglia, you should already know that I got into a car accident a while back." My eyes trailed back to him, where his chameleon was curled calmly around his shoulder. His eyes were shadowed, but he is listening.

"I am just an empty shell, Reborn," I said softly, "I don't have anything that I can call my own, even this body of mine feels foreign." _Although there's another reason for it entirely._ "Surely...surely you can't have such a broken girl become a Mafia boss, of all things?" I looked down at my pale hands and thin fingers.

"Find someone else... I don't want this," I clenched my hands into fists, and blood flow made the white scars on my wrists look even more prominent. "I don't know _anything_ – not about myself, not about this place. I don't even know how I got these scars, or what kind of person I was before the accident happened. _Please_...don't thrust me into some unknown world again."

At the back of my mind, the instincts that had screamed at me to dodge the bullet before it was even fired just now, seem to caress my brain, whispering soothing and comforting words. Perhaps it was because of that, that I have already believed this little guy called Reborn who came knocking on my door and telling me I am to be a Mafia boss.

_I believe what he said – but that doesn't mean I want anything to do with it._

* * *

Reborn paused, thinking about his next move. Now what?

He lowered his arm and relaxed his muscles, lessening the glare he held on his face. Urging Leon to go up to his fedora instead, the little hit-man perched down on the soft bed. He felt wary eyes on him, and knew it was time to say something.

He raised his face and met Tsuna's tired, forlorn eyes.

"I'll have to say this first, Tsuna. I can sense that you're a logical person. You _have to_ become the Tenth. It's not a matter of choice because of your lineage. You're the only person who has the right blood, and can take up the mantle. The Ninth and the CEDEF leader have both elected you to be the best and last choice." Reborn said carefully, watching her shoulders fall in disappointment and a small sigh escape her lips.

"I will still be here training you, no matter how unwilling you are, because that's my job." The girl averted her eyes to rest on her clasped hands.

"But I will not thrust you into an unknown world," Reborn said, almost kindly, no matter how much he tried to deny it. But the urge to protect the small girl was there – she had seem so hurt, so small, so _tired_ when she said her piece just now. Any sane person would want to protect her, to bring her through, anything to not see her breakdown without shedding a tear. "I will teach you how to survive, how to be stronger, how to thrive in that world before nudging you into it. There's _no way_ you can escape it, but it doesn't mean you can't train for the day you must step into it."

Tsunayume wordlessly closed her notebook and kept her pencils. She gave Reborn a tired smile after her hand were busied and she seemed to have worked off the small amount of nervous energy accumulated.

"Just saying, I believe what you said, but I don't trust you. Come'on, dinner should be ready soon." She left the room after that, her drooped shoulders showing her lethargy. A small silver of guilt entered Reborn, but he squashed it down mercilessly. This was needed, she's a candidate he must train, not a non-existent daughter he should coddle.

_Besides, that Iemitsu should do his fucking job as a father already._

* * *

**A/N: How's this chapter? Once again, please review to tell me what you think of it! I wrote the first part with the help of my idea formalist EssenCiel (oh the copy-paste thing drove me crazy if I am not already HAHA). Thanks to EssenCiel!**

**Thank you to all the followers and favourites as well! I feel super encouraged to see my sob story gathering so many readers hehe. Plot thickens as Reborn comes in! Tell me how you feel about Reborn's entrance? Still thinking about whether Gokudera should come in yet – eh never mind XD **

**Once again, thanks for reading!  
**

**Dolx. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Paramnesia**

* * *

"_Zach, Zach! ZaaaaaaAAAAaaach!"_

"_What the fuck do you want?"_

"_ZACH'S GOT A POTTY MOUTH!"  
_

"_SHUT THE FUCK UP!"  
_

"_ZACH HARRY LANGLOIS! I AM SURE YOU WOULD NOT MIND A BAR OF SOAP IN YOUR MOUTH RIGHT NOW."_

"_...sorry mum."_

"_Out, and take Sherré_ _with you."_

"_She's a bother!"_

"_She's your sister, so you better treat her well before I give her away to the grandma next door. And while at it, you as well."_

"_Ew no! She's senile."_

"_Then bring her out and come back on time for dinner."_

"_Yes maam..."_

* * *

_Sherré regarded her brother with a curious glance. "Zach, why don't you like me?"_

_He coughed at his ice cream and turned a glare at her. The ten-years-old harrumphed, crossing his arms over his chest, only letting loose an arm to lick at his rapidly melting ice cream. His little sister followed suit, helping herself to the small serving of chocolate chips she got._

"_That's cause you're annoying." _

"_Mum said I should try to be as annoying as por-shi-ble, 'cause little sisters are s'posed to be liddat."_

"_Well, don't. Mum's lying. She's a liar."_

"_Lai-ing?"_

_The boy gave out an annoyed sigh._

"_Lying. Meaning she's fake and corrupted and wants to make you believe something that is untrue."_

"_Un-true?"  
_

_He shot a venomous glare at her, but Sherré only blinked owlishly back. Releasing another forlorn sigh, he licked his ice cream. _

"_Meaning I tell you that Theodore is black."_

"_But Theo is white!" She puffed up her cheeks in indignation at the pure insult to her teddy bear._

"_Right, that's lying." Zach licked at his ice cream, a dry expression taking over his face._

_A thoughtful expression encompassed the little girl as she gobbled up her small serving. Sherré turned and gave a goofy smile to her older brother. "Then I hate liars, Zach!"_

_He stuffed the entire cone in his mouth, before turning to regard the young girl on the swing next to his quietly. Stuffing his hands in his pockets and chewing slowly, he nodded. With a swallow, a corner of his lips tilted up. Zach stood up, his hand reaching out to pat and tussle the long black locks of his little sister._

"_Yeah," he said quietly, "I hate liars, too."_

_She beamed at him, comprehension absent from her mind, only aware of the warm hand on her head._

* * *

"_Dad! Where are you...going?" A twelve-years-old Sherré furrowed her eyebrows at the baggage stacked neatly near the front door. She swallowed, then moistened her lips, feeling her dry throat close up. "You're leaving?"_

"_Not for long, dear," he replied, too quickly for her liking. "Just to France for a short expedition."_

"_You're going to France a lot these months, dad." Sherré said carefully, watching as Calvin Langlois tied his shoelaces hurriedly. She stepped forward, noticing that he was bringing more bags than usual. "How long are you staying there?"_

"_About a month," he smiled briefly at her. "How's your exams?"_

"_...acceptable," Sherré replied, not able to shake off the nagging feeling at the back of her mind. _

_Calvin's lips tightened, and he straightened up to his full height. "Sherré, I am sure I do not need to tell you that nothing short of an A for French and at least Bs for other subects are acceptable."_

_Sherré's eyes snapped up to meet her father's, and her lips tightened in a similar way as she glanced away with a soft huff. "Why does it matter to you, dad?"  
_

"_It doesn't matter to me? My child's taking a national exam! And it will be a disgrace upon the family if you got anything less than an A for French!"  
_

Stop hampering on about French, the world doesn't revolve around a single culture_, she wanted to snap, but knew that the consequences would not be worth the salt. Clamming her mouth shut, __Sherr__é turned to walk away. _

"_Bon voyage," she snapped, quickly heading into her room, pretending not to notice the furious gaze filled with disappointment._

_She squeezed her eyes shut, clenching her fists tight._

* * *

"_Mum...? Mum... It will be okay, dad will be back soon and it will be fine... He will get the best doctor, and Zach will be saved." The brown-haired woman had streaks of grey in her hair, and sobbed relentlessly despite what her twelve-years-old daughter said. Stricken, and yet not having anyone else to rely on, the latter could only sit there miserably and let her mind wander._

"_He's...not coming back, Sherr__é." __Yasmin Langlois cried, tears dripping like rivers, flowing and showing no signs of stopping. The girl let a bufuddled look take over her face, but dare not say or ask anything for fear of setting her mother off more than she is already._

_It's been two months, she then realised, and her heart sunk. He...he told me he'll only be gone for a month. _

"_That darn man is not even in France anymore! He...he!" She burst into tears again, and Sherr__é __placed a comforting hand on the elder's shoulder. "He eloped with another woman..."_

_It felt like a boulder had dropped upon her head, crushing her into the ground, too broken to live, yet not broken enough to be dead._

* * *

_A delicate China plate crashed against the white wall, breaking into a thousand smithereens, and Sherr__é __only watched blankly as her mother went on a rampage, crying and screaming and lamenting about how her family did not work out – how it never was like a family – how Zach had always been rebellious – how Sherr__é __herself never helped – how she should never have married a man such as Calvin Langlois._

_It pained the girl deeply, but for now, the thirteen-years-old only stared on blankly, her eyes glassy as the sound of plates and glass crashing and smashing sounded far-off in her ears. A dull ache pounded in her heart, the same beat as her heart. _

_A large piece of glass flew past, not without giving a cut to the girl standing at the side. She barely flinched, only looking down at the trickle of blood that now flowed from the wound on her leg. _

_Her father was gone, off with a new family of his own in another country. Her brother was gone, taken from the world from an unfortunate accident in the warehouse he worked at. And now her mother had gone mental. Sherr__é __wanted to let out a dry and mirthless laugh, but found she could not manage much._

_Her eyes averted back to the cause of all the mess in their house, only to meet haunted grey eyes staring back at her. This time, the girl did flinch, backing up to the wall as the woman who once had love in her eyes and warmth in her hands stepped forward. Glass and ceramic pieces crinkled under her feet, and blood tainted the beige carpet as she stepped forward, closing in on the young girl._

"_Sherr__é, __dear, you don't have to be scared," Yasmin said at a scarily concerned and gentle voice. "It will soon be over, after all."_

_The girl felt her back hit the wall where the wedding photo still hung, miraculously safe from all the crashing and breaking of breakables in the house. _

"_W-What do you mean, m-mum?" She asked, tense and feeling shivers crawling over her body._

_Her mother, once a beautiful woman, showed a semblance of it as she smiled._

"_Come, my dear, let's go meet your brother."  
_

"_...M-meet Zach...? What are you saying- he's dead!" She shook her head, feeling more and more creeped out. Her mother calmly produced a pair of kitchen knives from the coffee table, and lovingly stabbed them into the rosewood she had so loved before._

"_That's why, Sher, we have to do a noble sacrifice so that we may meet your brother." She said calmly. "Come here, Sherr__é."_

_Sherr__é __did want a lot of things, but dying was never one of them._

"_No!" She cried, gripping the wedding photo behind her for life,_

_Her mother's eyes sharpened. "Are you defying me, Sherr__é __Antoine Langlois?"_

_Fear gripped at her young heart, clawing at her walls and shooting cannons in her head._

"_Of...Of course not, mother." She said breathlessly, willing her legs to walk towards the small form kneeled by the coffee table. Her mother smiled serenely at her. "I knew you would make the right choice," she reached out a hand to caress her face, "you're my daughter after all."_

_The girl only barely stopped the shivers that ran through her body._

_"Yes, mother." She replied, breathing harshly. But the woman never noticed, instead turning her attention back to the kitchen knives. "Now, do you know, I have always loved these knives... Your father bought them for our 1__st__ wedding anniversary, so that I can cook more delicious meals for him, he said. How sweet, don't you agree?"_

_Sherr__é __forced herself to nod._

"_Yes, mother."  
_

"_Now, do you think Calvin will regret after seeing us using these beloved knives to end our lives – and join Zach in eternity?"_

"_I- Yes, mother." Sherr__é __hugged herself, feeling too exposed in front of the woman beside her. No, she wasn't her mother any more – not any more._

"_Yes... Now follow my actions, Sherr__é __dear," her mother plucked out a wicked looking knife from the coffee table, revering it and looking upon it with such love that it made her daughter nauseous from just looking at it. Without further ado, she plucked the knife out as well, holding it as far and steady as she could possibly do. Her shoulders locked when she heard a strange, far-away memory in the back of her mind._

_("It's not por-shi-ble, idiot, it's possible.")_

_((I don't want to die, Zach, not yet, save me save me save me))_

"_...you hear me, Sherr__é? __We'll do this together, okay?" The aforementioned girl could feel tears burning in the back of her eyes, and adrenaline rushing in her veins as she went through the basic mechanism of nodding._

_Her mother smiled benignly, raising the dagger high up into the air, the blade pointed inwards. Sherr__é__'s eyes widened like saucers, and somewhere faraway, she heard the loosening of her finger muscles and the clanging of the knife on the coffee table. A scream pierced the air, and blood splattered everywhere – on the carpet, the table, the daughter's face and body._

_The copper tang in her mouth told the still-alive and screaming girl that blood had gotten into her mouth. _Stop screaming, stop screaming, dammnit! STOP SCREAMING AND HELP MUM- _She stuffed a fist into her mouth, tears leaking out of her eyes at a rapid rate and her breathing ragged. The fallen body did nothing to assert her growing fear and locking muscles._

"_Mum...? Mum... Mum!" The girl scrambled to the body, freezing when she heard the squelching noise on the carpet as she moved into the pool of blood. Salty tears escaped her eyes as she gripped at her mother, the knife lodged deep and vertically in the middle of her torso._

"_Mum...!" She moaned, letting out heart-wrenching sobs._

_Her grip tightened on the white sweater her mother had loved so much, the sirens ringing in the distance not registering until men in uniforms burst into the house._

* * *

Tsunayume awoke in cold sweat, staring up at the unfamiliar ceiling, her breathing ragged. A stab of pity and fear pierced her heart, and she quickly looked to her right to check that no bloody bodies were present, only to meet the obsidian eyes of her new tutor.

"Nightmare, Tsunayume?" He asked, sitting up. She slowly relaxed her locked muscles one by one, sitting up as well. The background pitter-patter registered in her mind, and she looked outside to realise that a night shower plagued the town.

"...yeah." She replied non-committally, running a hand through her brown trusses only to feel cold sweat. Tsunayume grimaced. "I'll go take a shower," she glanced at the clock. _530am. Much too early._ "And probably try to get some sleep in again before my alarm goes off."

"You should," Reborn agreed, "it's a school day, so try to get as much rest as possible."

The girl gave him a brief smile before moving to grab her toiletries. Her doctor's appointment had been yesterday, and being given the all-clear, she could now attend school. Tsunayume can't say that she wasn't excited, but apprehension took over most of her emotion capacity.

Reborn watched her go quietly, before letting out a sigh. He had still not figured out what the girl was made of yet – sure, she had exuded the right aura that needed just this bit of tweaking to be the perfect Mafia boss, but there was still _something_... He frowned in concentration. But of course, he would find out due day. One day, he trusted that he would be close enough to this enigmatic thirteen-years-old for her to slip something.

After fifteen minutes of planning (his curriculum for boss training, of course), the girl reentered the room, looking fresher and more awake than she should. Dropping on the bed with the towel around her neck, Tsunayume sighed and curled up on it. Reborn gave her a curious glance, even though he knew the reason why she was acting this way.

"Sorry, can't sleep." She smiled apologetically.

Reborn waved it off, another new sub-plan concocted in his mind as he jumped down from his hammock. "Then follow me, Tsuna." She rose curiously, following the small child down the stairwells, tripping over the last step (as he had noticed, was a common occurrence for the girl). She covered it up with a sheepish smile as they entered the kitchen.

"Might as well put extra time to good use, Tsuna. I will teach you how to make good coffee." The truest smile Reborn had seen thus far on the girl's face bloomed.

_She likes learning new things_, he noted.

"Okay," she agreed, almost – but not quite, startling Reborn with her slightly enthusiastic tone. The girl could be passed off as cool, dreamy, capricious, but never upbeat or bubbly. He smiled to himself, starting to instruct her on what to do as the girl searched high and low for the appliances needed._ One step closer_, he thought (_but refusing to admit that he thought so fondly_).

* * *

Nana woke up to the strong yet fragrant smell of coffee, teasing her nostrils and watering her mouth. Hurriedly getting dressed and noting that it was already 6:30am (_another hour before she had__ to wake Tsu-chan up_, she thought), she pulled on a cosy sweater and quickly made her way down on the chilly September morning. _Hmm, speaking of dates, isn't Tsu-chan's birthday coming up? _She thought to herself wistfully, following the scent of coffee to the kitchen.

"Good morning, Kaa-san." Said mother stopped in surprise at seeing her daughter in an apron, and for the first time since she was discharged from the hospital, her hair in a bun, as she bent over the machinetta, tucking a stray strand behind her ears.

"Good morning as well, Mama," Reborn greeted with a tip of his fedora, and Nana realised that the aroma of coffee wafted over from the cup in his hands.

"Good morning to you two," she replied, astonished, "up so early, dear?" She asked with a smile. _It's not like it wasn't good for her kids to be up early, instead, it was a pleasant surprise!_

"I couldn't sleep an hour ago, so Reborn taught me how to make good Italian coffee. Here, Kaa-san, try this." Nana took over the cup offered to her as she blinked and rubbed her eyes. The pink healthy glow on her daughter's face didn't go away. The small, yet heartfelt smile didn't either. Nana felt her heart warm as the coffee slipped down her throat.

"Yes, it tastes delicious, Tsu-chan," she replied, a lump in her throat. _Oh, if this was what Reborn-chan's influence was, she would have checked the mailbox everyday for a crayon-drawn flyer!_ Nana swallowed her tears and turned away, discreetly dabbing her eyes with the apron she retrieved.

_She haven't seen her girl smile that way for a long time_, she thought forlornly as the brown-haired teen turned her back on the counter and started chatting to Reborn about Italian coffee.

"Now, now, Tsu-chan, Kaa-san will be preparing breakfast, so sit down and wait with Reborn-chan, okay?" Nana flashed a kind smile and quickly chased the girl to her seat. The girl protested, instead happily taking over the chores of washing the cups and the machinetta used. Nana watched her with a wistful smile, turning her attention to Reborn when she sensed a stare.

She managed her most grateful smile, and Reborn returned it with a tip of his hat. The green chameleon on his fedora flicked its tongue at her, and she giggled, taking a drink of the warm coffee in her hands.

"Thank you, Reborn," she said quietly.

A tilt of the corner of his lips was the only indication that he heard the quiet words.

* * *

"I'm going off!" I pulled on my school shoes, half-jumping and half-stumbling out of the door.

"Be careful!" Kaa-san's voice distinctively rang out from the house as I closed the door firmly behind me, straightening my blazer and skirt as I walked out of the house. The trotting of small feet had me looking back some paces after, and I deadpanned at the small child balancing on the parapet of fences.

"Reborn, why are you following me?" I asked, half-exasperated.

"I am your tutor." He replied innocently. Giving up, I shrugged and continued walking. "Just don't show yourself when we get there, _o-world's-best-hitman_." I muttered, continuing down the road. Kaa-san was right, as the further I walked towards the white building in a distance, the more students in the same uniform appeared.

I huffed a sigh out, hoping to be able to blend in the furniture in school soon. Not drawing attention to myself is the best thing to prevent trouble from following. Straightening my back, I slipped into the throng of students. _Being small and short actually has its advantages_, the dry thought entertained me for a moment before my mind wandered off to what happened yesterday.

As unwilling as I was, it seems that being dragged along by Reborn's eclectic pace was a must, as I now trusted him more than I should._ They are all devils_, a voice in the back f my mind whispered, _they are all out to get you, Sherr__é._

I grimaced. _And why would they want to do that?_

_Have you forgotten what happened? What made it so painful? They're all liars in the end. You hate liars, don't you?_

_Well, I do, but...ugh, why am I even talking to myself?_

To my surprise, the voice answered.

_You are, but you are not. I am you, but at the same time, not you._

_Who the fuck are you? _I snarled in my mind, feeling creep out that _a fucking voice was talking to me in my head._ Then I froze. _What if... what if..._

"_Oi_, don't stop all of a sudden!" A harsh voice sounded behind me, and I stiffened, moving slightly to the side for the bigger boy to pass. He's wearing the same uniform, an unruly sneer decorating his ugly face and a kendo sword strapped to his back._ Oh fuck, he's ugly. _I smiled politely, if not a little sardonically.

"Sorry for blocking your way_, senpai."_ I gestured mockingly to the front gates. "Here you go, your Highness. A cleared way for your big build, as it seems you don't know the basic mechanisms of moving around someone." _Oh goodness. Did I just run my mouth off?_

A shocked hush fell over the crowd of students around us, and I discreetly noticed a student in a gakuran with a pompadour (_what is this, the 1800s?_) talk into his walkie-talkie. I huffed out an annoyed sigh, feeling more eyes on me than I like. _First day in school and I got into trouble already? Good job, Sherr__é__ Langlois. Fuck everything, this morning is fucked up enough anyway._

"Well, excuse me, I would use the road if you don't then." Turning my back on the shocked black-haired boy and the stupid crowd, I manoeuvred around the scattered students and entered the school, nodding respectfully to the pompadoured soldiers standing guard (they seem to be in authority at this school, from how everyone is shying away from them. Perhaps control by fear?).

_So, who the hell are you?_ I hissed in my mind. _You can't be...you can't be..._ My heart froze over, and a shiver tingled my spine. _...Tsunayume?_

The voice let out a scoff._ Fine, call me Tsunayume. I am the one who is lost to you, after all._

I gripped my book bag to myself tightly. _What do you mean by 'lost'...?_

_I don't think you need such knowledge, Sherr__é_, she replied snarkily. _Just know my golden advice, and you'll do well as Tsunayume._

A mustered smile at the office receptionist and she quickly got to work, telling me to wait for my class representative to bring me up. A number was dialled, and I watched dazedly, thinking about what Tsunayume – Yume, meant.

_Yume, I can call you that, right?_ I asked carefully. _What are you doing in my head? I thought you..._

_Passed on?_ She asked sarcastically. _Of course I can't, when you're such a weakling._ I flinched.

_You're the epitome of disaster, Sherr__é, __but you're not beyond saving_, she said quietly, _the bitterness and hatred in you will consume and control you one day, and it will be like Sherr__é __all over again. You can never have a normal life, you can never have a normal family, you are doomed to fail, and you are the bane of all things you get close to, you_ jinx. The cold voice hissed at me, sending cold shivers down my spine. I clutched at my head, dropping the book bag in my lap. The receptionist did not notice, by goodness grace.

Yume continued, relentless, either ignoring or not noticing my reaction. _Have you ever wondered why your brother died, your father ran away, and your mother went mental? It's because of you, Sherr__é, __you. _

_How- How did you know? You fucking bitch, get out of my head!_ I screamed in my mind.

_I can't_, she replied smugly. _I am a part of you now, Sherr__é __Antoine Langlois. I _know_ you. I _am _you. Sawada Tsunayume is forever interlinked with you._

_Well, I don't need a bitch in my head, one is enough, _I threw out,_ so be quiet or fuck off. Preferably both._

Miraculously, she quieted down, and I felt a pounding I didn't know I had in my head fade off. Breathing a sigh of relief, I wiped my clammy hands on my skirt, mind still on the strange voice in my head. And _oh my fuck I have a voice in my head._

Perhaps she was tired, or maybe the fuck-off charm really worked and she _did_ fuck off (please do), but I no longer feel like a corner of mind has been sucked up and went through a grinding factory or something.

"Sawada-san?" A kind voice inquired, and I looked up to see an orange-head smiling brightly at me. Too brightly.

"Hello," I dipped my head in greeting after standing up.

"I am the class representative, Sasagawa Kyoko, and I'll be leading you to our class, We are in class 2-B." I followed her quietly, falling into step behind her, memorising the exits and emergency stairwells I could spot. Soon enough, we reached the class and she slid open the door.

_Oh shit, where's my seat._

There were already plenty of students in the classroom, and almost all of them turned to face us when the door slid open. Chatters ceased, and I felt an uncomfortable prickling at my nape. Raising a hand to rub at the back of my neck and trying not to be too self-conscious about the action, I walked into the class with Kyoko.

"Uh...Sasagawa-san," I started.

"Please call me Kyoko!" She replied cheerfully. Almost wincing at the beams from her face, I gave her a small crooked smile and asked where my seat was. The clearly eavesdropping nosy classmates lapsed into silence when they realised that, _yes, Sawada Tsunayume did lose her fucking memories, thank you very much for staring._

Kyoko's smile seems to dim slightly in sympathy, and I quickly looked away, not able to stand the pity showered upon poor Tsunayume. _And I am not even her._

A girl with black-wavy hair walked up to us, clapping Kyoko lightly on the back of her shoulder. "Your seat's there, Sawada, beside the bunch of monkeys at the back." She pointed at the boys crowding around around a table, and words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Didn't know my seat was a damn jungle," I muttered, then slapped a hand over my mouth in mortification. _AS IF THE INCIDENT THIS MORNING WASN'T ENOUGH, YOU IDIOT._

"Oooh," the black-haired girl smirked, "so that rumour that you mouthed off to the Mochida git was true too?" She asked, almost gleefully.

I averted my eyes, almost innocently, as Reborn did this morning. "I tried my best." No use denying that I _did_ mouth off to him.

She grinned and stuck out a hand. "I am Kurosawa Hana." Uh. Cool? Oh. Danger alert, she seems to want to be friends. The walls in my mind immediately came up, and I calmly accepted her hand for a very brief handshake.

"Sawada Tsunayume," I muttered in a low voice. Whispers from the boys in the class travelled, and soon I was hearing people saying something about No-good Tsuna teaming up with Kurosawa.

_No-good Tsuna?_ I furrowed my eyebrows, and walked to my seat. _What's that?_

_That's the verbal manifestation of your uselessness, Sherré._

_I thought you fucked off, bitch._

_Just accept me as part of you_, she urged, unlike her previous aggressiveness. _I'll make you strong. Haven't you always wondered why your family turned out like this, and your friends deserted you?_

_Not really, I'm just wondering why a certain bitch wouldn't go away. _I said bitterly.

_Don't be so rude, that's my body you're inhabiting._

_Fuck off._

…

…

_A potty mouth you've got there, Sherr__é_. I froze as a memory forcibly replayed in my mind like a broken recorder.

"_Zach, Zach! ZaaaaaaAAAAaaach!"_

"_What the fuck do you want?"_

"_ZACH'S GOT A POTTY MOUTH!"_

I could _feel_ the damn bitch smirking. Gritting my teeth, I busied myself by taking and laying out my notes neatly. My mind drifted back to what Yume accused me of just earlier in the office – that _I_ was the one to kill my parents and my brother, _yeah, what a joke_\- my throat dried up, remembering the time when I had blamed myself and was very guilt-ridden, so much so that I had to be sent to a reform centre after...after Mum's death.

Yes, Yume hissed, your fault? Do you think it's your fault?

Shut up, I argued.

Answer me, Sherr_é, __do you still think it is so?_

_I said, shut up, _but my mind was already spinning and turning at her words. Feeling the familiar lump in my throat and the pounding in my head, I sneered at her in my mind.

_Get out! I SAY, GET OUT!_

…_Fine, _I startled, she didn't seem the type to quiet down easily with what happened in the office.

_Just know it's not your fault, Sherr__é...__the_ world_ is the one at fault. _She spat venomously.

_Take revenge, that's the least you can do to repay this soulless world, Sherré._

I don't know how or why, but I felt it – a caress, much like the one Mum had given me on the night she died – a shiver ran down my spine, and I clenched my muscles tightly, bending over my books so that it did not appear as if I was a wrung-up autistic kid.

_Ugh, damn, this is screwed up_, I groaned, keeling over my desk.

Burying my head in my books, I let out an annoyed groan. _Can things can any worse?_

"Sawada! Mochida-senpai challenges you to a kendo duel!"

_Yeap, got my answer. Thanks, life._

* * *

**A/N: And that ends this chapter! Phew, finally got some things out of the way. (: Who's excited to see the Mochida-Tsuna duel? I went and googled Mochida cause I couldn't remember how he looked like without being bald (HAHA) and omg he looks like Touma from To Aru? Hahaha I am crazy now at 3:48am in the morning hahahahaha**

**I WANT TO BECOME A DIGIMON TAMER**

**Review please, and tell me how you think of this chapter! :D Is it good, is it bad, is it super bad that I should throw myself off the building now? Orz. Someone tell me about the Sherréflashbacks too – are they informative and up to standard? Whaddya feel about them, and what are your interesting hypotheses about Yume and Sherré? (: (I know you guys have cool thoughts. The one who guesses correctly about how the relationship between Yume and Sherré came about gets a cookie!)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Paramnesia**

**A/N: My trade secret is Unravel acoustic one hour version on Youtube, repeated five times. (cries cause peeps are getting deep in the comments section)**

* * *

"You're not planning to skip the challenge, are you?" Reborn asked suspiciously. The brown-haired girl looked, if anything, bored, on her first day back to school. A can of lemonade was clutched loosely in her hand, as she looked up at the clouds. A small tilt of her lips alerted Reborn that he probably should practice reading body languages more.

"Hm. Does it benefit me if I go?" She asked quietly. "What would I gain from it, other than satisfy Mochida Kensuke's desire to humiliate me?" _Which is, by the way, an imbecile coward's actions, because who would send a challenge to a fragile and weak girl with no memories and skill in kendo, a kendo duel challenge? _So perhaps Reborn did not need that extra practice in reading body languages...

"You will gain experience," Reborn graced her with a reply. "Experiences which I deem you need, as the stepping stones to surviving _that world_." Going against his better judgement, Reborn let the words tumble out of his mouth.

"So, do you trust me in that?"

She took a sip of her lemonade, made a face at the taste of it, and with a flick of her wrist, sent the half-full can into the nearest bin. Reborn watched as the yellow can took its flight, and Tsunayume caught his gaze. An amused smile docked her face. "It was too sweet," she offered enigmatically, and walked off. Only she would say a_ lemon_ade was too _sweet_.

Reborn shook himself off the stupor after a moment, realising that the girl had evaded answering his question, then wondered why he felt disappointed at not being able to receive a reply. A sigh escaped the child's lips. Why, and how, did he even come to care for that idiot Iemitsu's daughter? He had come to Namimori, Japan, expecting a student who has abysmal grades and a clumsy streak not worst than his previous student's, with a smile when uncovered, could light up like a thousand watt bulb. He had definitely _not_ come expecting a girl with untold scars on her wrists, a sealed past, and a quiet smile that came rarer than the blue moon itself. _Oh, and don't forget the sarcastic streak that ran longer than the length of the two Americas itself._

At times like this – or rather, Reborn would state in blunt words, when he was _actually_ confused for once, he would consult his old advice. Follow your instincts, then your heart. The child sat down, leaning against the wall as he pondered about recent events. He _did_ follow his instincts, by dropping in the flyer on time instead of later. _Follow your heart_. Did he? Leon nuzzled Reborn's neck, and a small hand came up to pat the green chameleon almost absent-mindedly on his head.

The chameleon flicked its tongue out and captured a fly, before turning into a gun abruptly. Reborn looked down at the gun in his hands with concealed surprise. "Leon?" He coaxed. "What's wrong?" The gun did not give a response, so the hit-man just sighed and pulled out a handkerchief to start polishing the surface of the metal.

The girl had always been missing a father figure, even before she lost her memories. Then it clicked – like a calibre into a gun. He smirked, and the gun took its time to morph into a green chameleon, who curled up lazily in his hands and sunned himself.

"Thank you, Leon." He said softly, letting the animal clamber its way up to his fedora before he stood up.

Follow his heart. Oh, he would definitely do that. Not out of obligation from the Ninth's order – but from his own desire to help the girl.

"You think I'd make a good mentor, Leon?" He asked rhetorically.

A lazy flick of the tongue elicited a chuckle out of the hit-man.

* * *

"So you've turned up," Mochida smirked haughtily from his place in the court. A crowd – no, more like half the school had turned up. _The rumours mill in this school sure does work fast_, I thought dryly to myself.

"No, obviously I haven't, seeing as someone had to point out the obvious," I said, sarcasm spilling over. A few chuckles were heard from the crowd, and _senpai_ turned red with anger. A mocking smile formed on my face, and my confident façade slipping right into place as I walked forward to face him directly.

Mochida gritted his teeth at me, before straightening up importantly, coughing into his fist. "Well, since it's an _official_ duel and all -"

"I didn't know you thought so highly of me to make it _official_ -" I drawled.

"There would, of course be a prize for the winner," he smirked deviously, and I felt a corner of my lips curl in distaste. The crowd around us in the gym seem to have expanded, and I caught a wave in the corner of my eyes. Averting my eyes from the pompous brat in front of me, I spy Kurokawa and Sasagawa at the side, the latter looking worried, her hands clutched nervously in front of her torso. I nodded respectfully at them, before turning back to the self-important git who continued talking.

"- and of course, the prize will be Sasagawa Kyoko!" My eyes snapped back to the orange-haired girl, who paled. Kurokawa bristled, looking ready to strangle the innocent judge in front of her.

"_Oi_, how dare you use Kyoko as a prize!" She growled, waving her fist in the air angrily. Mochida paid her no heed. My eyes narrowed, and I felt a pinch in my heart.

"Now, since you're a beginner, once you get one point off me, I'll count it as your victory. Pass the gears to her-"

"Hey," I muttered darkly, straightening up from my lackadaisical position, my eyes narrowing into what I hoped was a convincing glare. But alas, I had no time to practice glares with this face on, _so..._

Mochida stopped, daring to raise an insufferable eyebrow at me. "What?" He snapped.

I smiled cheerfully, and _felt_, rather than see, the ring of people closest to the court take a subconscious step back. "What is a prize?"

He looked confused for a moment. "Haven't you been listening? It's Kyoko-"

"I asked," my voice dropping a few notes lower, "what is _a _prize, not _the_ prize."

He let anger clout his features for awhile, before sneering at me. "It's something you win at the end of challenge, or has losing your memories done too good a job on you?" A gasp resounded around the gym from the insensitive words that tumbled out of the male's mouth, but I only lifted a shoulder, uncaring.

"Ding-ding, point to Idiot Mochida for being an idiot and giving a simplistic answer as any kindergarten kid is able to," before he could even process the reply, I grinned happily, teeth showing and possibly with glowing cheeks as well. "It's something to be coveted, something to be desired by the competitors, as you're too much of an uneducated plebeian to know." A few in the crowd flinched at the plain insult, knowing how much of a bully and unreasonable fuck the senior was.

Mochida turned red at the insult again, his fists clenching as he reined himself in from possibly throwing his body at me. The crowd burst into whispers and mutters.

My grin dropped. "Do I, _in any way_, look like I desire Sasagawa Kyoko?" I questioned quietly, and the buzzing noise of conversation in the crowd died down, replaced by a slightly stunned silence.

"Well?" I asked impatiently, crossing my arms over my torso. "To tell you plainly, since obviously, your brain would not be able to take the work needed to work out such a question – _I don't_. Never did, and never will. If you're the only one who covets the prize, it hardly makes this _official_ duel fair, does it?" I smiled mockingly.

"_Sawada_," he bristled threateningly. "Don't go over the line-"

"_Oh_?" I questioned loudly, my voice echoing in the hall. "Now_ I'm _going over the line?" Putting in a gasp for good measure, my hand went up to cover my mouth. "But Mochida-senpai, you were the one who set all the rules for this duel, as well as the so-called prize. But how can it be a prize if I don't want it?"

"_Sawada_!" Mochida shouted, losing his temper. "_Just shut up_ and _duel_!"

_I hate this kind of men._ A ripple of disgust ran through my heart.

"Ah?" I tilted my head, drawling out the note slowly, letting out the sneer I have been holding back. "Tell me, did Sasagawa-san agree to it? Did she agree to being a prize?" I stepped forward slowly, one step at a time, timed perfectly to induce the most intimidating aura I could manage. His eye twitched as he consciously tried not to step back.

"If not, _is she an object_? Does she _deserve_ to be treated this way by _your pompous arse_? Is this discrimination against woman – not allowing them to speak, to act, to make their own choices?" My voice rose with each passing sentence. "Do you know the United Nations issued laws for gender equality? Do you know_ I can sue you_ for what you've said, and I'm sure some students here in this very gym would be glad to testify?" I took a breath slowly, Mochida actually inching backwards from my onward assault as I got closer to him.

"You want a duel? _Fine_!" The anger lashed out from my body through my voice – all the while, with the words '_these kinds of people are the _worst' repeating like a mantra in her mind. My hand reached out to do a chop at his wrist, and in surprise, his grip loosened and I brandished his own sword at him.

"Let me use your prized sword then, to level out the unfairness in this duel." He was too shocked to reply to me, so I turned and walked back to my own side, gesturing for the gaping judge to start the duel.

Mochida closed his mouth, then readied to open it again to yell at me for getting his sword. I narrowed my eyes at him and tightened the grip on the sword, and he made a wise decision to gesture for an underclassman to get another one._Fucking landslide coming down won't stop me from beating up that stick-up-his-arse._

The duel started without problem, and I raised the light sword in barely proper position with little care but burning determination to teach this _fucking useless bastard _a lesson in life.

Then a shot rang out, and everything became dark.

* * *

"_Why aren't you wearing your glasses, Sherré?" She paused, then looked straight into the eyes of Tristabel._

"_Because I don't need another layer to be able to see the truth." _And through your lies._ What was unsaid went unsaid. _

_Evelyn laughed – no, _screeched_, passing the words off as some profound thing that Sherré liked to say a lot. _Did being discontent someone really come with the entire package of disliking everything they did?_ Sherré held in a sigh at that. Just her luck that the next day straight after the endurance run, they had a class outing, and she had agreed to travel there together with the usual group. Grace got off the phone then, and shrugged helplessly._

"_It seems we have to take a cab there. We're lost." Sherré did not have to restrain much to keep in her snide remark at that. Now that she thought of it, being with the group, she more often than not, kept a leash on her sarcastic thoughts so that they did not slip out accidentally._

"_Okay," Tristabel agreed easily. "Let's go."_

"_Where's the taxi stand?"_

_Evelyn gave Sherré a dubious look, pointing right in front. "Can't you see?"_

"_Yes, obviously I can, when just two seconds ago I told you why I removed my glasses." Obviously not a tight leash she had there._

_The popular girl in school look stunned, before the other girls quickly pushed her forward to the stand, not aware of the short conversation. Sherré stood in place, watching their backs getting smaller by the second._

Is there any wonder why I find that familiar now?

* * *

"_Tania, did you watch that latest drama?" Sherré asked, grinning from ear to ear. A wide smile broke upon the former girl's face. "Yes! I can tell it's gonna be a big hit!"  
_

_Calliope stalked forward and planted herself on the desk beside Tania's, her face dark and her posture rigid and unhappy. Sherré decided to take the plunge after exchanging a curious expression with Tania. "What's wrong, Cali?" She started gently._

_Her nostrils seems to flare with the very idea of recalling what happened – even though she probably _was_ doing the very thing before the blatant question. "Nothing," the surly reply got thrown on the desk, battered from use. _You know, we can't help you or do anything unless you say something_, Sherré thought,_ but kept it in wisely. She would say what she wants to in due time, but for now, I can guess.

_Her gaze went to another girl with a high ponytail, chatting amicably with another girl outside the class – Sarina. Out of the corner of her eyes, Sherré saw Tania shrug. "Well, Cali, we were talking bout the latest drama." _The usual three seconds delay_, Sherré counted in her head dully, _before the fixing of a smile on her face, then inclining her head thirty degrees towards the person speaking, but eyes still fixed on some goodness forsaken random point.

"_Hm?" She prompted, and Tania launched into a summary since in her opinion, Calliope was an impudent fool for not watching such bejewelled gem (by the way, a bejewelled gem is technically not possible, since a gem is already a jewel..., but Sherré wisely kept that remark in)._

"_I am so excited for the next episode!" Tania gushed, and Sherré watched their conversation with a quiet disposition as the conversation moved forward to desultory topics such as their grade school extracurriculars activities, what songs they sang in choir, what they did in grade school..._

"_Oh, by the way, Sher, why aren't you with Tristabel and the others?" The smile on Sherré's face fell, but a conscious effort and thought kept it up immediately the next second. Calliope narrowed her eyes at that slip, and the girl quickly averted her eyes to meet Tania's, who was smiling at her phone's screen, not aware of the sore and very fresh topic it brought up. _

"_Oh...uh, just squad-hopping." She quickly made her smile more convincing. "I _do_ have other friends, y'know."_

_Tania did not give any indication that she heard, instead more interested in scrolling through the listings of an online shopping website. Sherré let her smile fall slowly, before her eyes drifted to the window outside, watching the clouds passing by without a care in the world._

_She suddenly felt very dirty, tainted with the sins of the world, watching the pure entity of a cloud pass by. What right did she have to lay her eyes on something so pure? Her muscles tensed, and her arms went around to hug herself, her shoulders hunching defensively, as if to protect something precious that was deep in her. _What could be precious in me?_ She thought desperately, _it's just a ball of muck and sins mashed together inside, so why am I trying to hold on to it so tightly?

"_Not even the clouds are pure, you know." Sherré's dark-brown eyes snapped up to meet Calliope's – but the latter's eyes were fixed on the lazy, drifting clouds as well. "They pee on everyone when they feel like it. Worst sin anyone can ever commit."_

_A strangle of a laughter forced its way out of the bespectacled girl's throat, and soon she was giggling like she had just heard the funniest joke in the world. Tears slipped from her eyes unknowingly, and she wiped them, knowing they were not from laughter and with gratitude._

_Tania looked up, surprised at the sudden giggling. "Did I miss something?" _

_Calliope moved her gaze to the curious girl, before a smirk stretched her lips. "Just telling Sherré to get a bath, and that we'll be there waiting with a towel and fresh clothes."_

_Sherré didn't know what got into her, but she erupted into another fit of giggles at the analogy. Tania laughed, although for a totally different reason, before going back to her phone. Her giggles soon died down, and she offered a grateful smile to the smirking girl._

"_Thank you," _you did always know me best_, she added silently in her head, __then__ resumed to watch the clouds._

* * *

"_I slipped down a slope," Sherré laughed sheepishly. Calliope deadpanned as the former started to check her shirt for any twigs or leaves, other than the small mud spots on her shirt and her trussed hair._

_"How on earth, pray tell, did you slip down a slope on the way here?" Even saying it made it sound ridiculous, Calliope Young thought to herself with a sigh. Sherré laughed amusedly. "I tried to take the shortcut, but accidentally picked the side of the slope that's the steepest, and slipped off."_

_She facepalmed, mumbling something that sounded like 'shouldn't have asked'. The girl in question only laughed and took her homework and other paraphernalia out. The girls were sitting in a chain fast food restaurant, having agreed to studying together on Labour Day, when school let them off for a day._

_Calliope's hand dragged off her face when she realised what she had to do next. Her exasperated smile dropped off quickly. "Sherré, I have something important I need to show you." The black-haired girl looked up, and blinked curiously at the serious expression on the other girl's face._

"_What's wrong?" She asked worriedly._

"_Here," Calliope grimaced as she keyed in what was needed in her phone, and passed it to the girl in front of her. She watched quietly as the girl took in what was displayed on the phone. Sherré did not seem like it – but she picked things up fast, and made her own hypothesis. "Cali, this-" she raised her head, her eyes seeking for answers but not holding the note of panic the former had expected. Instead, a glint of betrayal hid in the mist of her eyes._

_She forced herself to hold the gaze. "Sherré, Tristabel and her bunch are bad. They are the worst of the gossips and anything out there – I _know_, because Tristabel transferred into my class in second year, and I new Evelyn since the first year." She gauged the girl's reaction carefully, but continued._

"_They are bitches, Sher... I thought they'd treat you well – you looked fine with them, and I made the mistake of leaving you with them. Since near the start of this year, they created this chat group in which only Tristabel, Evelyn and Grace are in to gossip behind your back – and others, too, of course. I have no idea why they thought it was a good idea to add me in, but I can't deny that I love gossiping, and Tristabel probably knew that, and thought it was a good idea to put me in to fuel their gossip mill._

"_They were talking behind everyone's backs... And ever since the run, they have turned their attention to you. I don't want you to be ignorant of how they are treating you, Sher, so I'm telling you this now." Calliope noticed how she kept glancing down at the phone clutched in her hand, and she pressed her lips together reluctantly. "Read the messages, it might help you to understand better."_

_Calliope watched as Sherré's eyes went from left to right, up to down, reading the mindless gossip, sure that even though those words were as harmless as paper, once used in the right angle and way, they hurt like knives._

* * *

It felt like everything was burning – like I was_ stepping on fire_ and the _surroundings were on flames _and _my body was enveloped by the fiery wisps_ – my body _were_ the flames.

It burns, and somewhere in the back of my mind, I acknowledged that I should be feeling scared, apprehensive and pain from the flames licking at me. But nothing hurt, just the incessant burning and every inch of my wision filled with every shade of orange anyone can imagine. I felt light, as if I was floating above a sea of flames – but I couldn't even see my hands or arms or any sight of my body.

Where is this place? Weren't I at school – the gym, dueling Mochida? Then – then a gun shot rang out, I realised, and it is possible that I fell unconscious. Apology crept into my heart – I really wanted to help Sasagawa and give that bastard a beating. Now – all those words for nothing. A resigned sigh escaped me.

A nagging at the back of my mind told me that no, I was supposed to feel panicky, because one moment I am standing in a gym and another I am in some place _on fire._ The logical part of my mind told me to run away, find an exit, but the flames –_ I can't believe I'm saying this_ – felt soothing and warm.

Soon enough, I felt my body get heavier and heavier. My eyes drooped.

_Am I dying? ...again...?_

My eyes snapped open, and the flames were not a soothing and calming orange any more – instead a roaring dark orange. If they had a voice, surely they would be screaming and crying at me. The sound of roaring flames beat against me wave after wave, and the heat intensified so quickly that I lurched up.

"I don't want to die," I croaked out. _Again_.

Because the only thing that humans can do is _to survive_, no matter what, _survive, survive, _and_ survive_, no matter how hard it is –_ just for another living moment _– because no matter what we do, what we say, humans are _addicted_ to living, like a drug they fed off twenty-four-seven, a _drug_ they _couldn't do without_ – and even when the _worst _of all humans or the _best_ of all humans look up one day and decide '_I don't want to live_' -

They _can't_, because the moment they end this _addiction_ they die, and a _fear of death_ is ingrained in every living matter so, so, _so_ deeply that _everyone_ runs in the face of death – to the arms of the living, because that was what _delayed_ their meeting with death, with salvation, with whatever comes after that _might save them from the ensnarement of the living_, but_ no one ever knows no one ever wants to know BECAUSE THEY ARE ADDICTED_-

_And I am, too._ The resigned thought did nothing to quell the flaring flames around me, threatening to wrap its arms around me and ensnare me like the arms of life.

Regrets, too. They bind people to the Earth, a last resort way for Life to tie us down to this material sphere, with all its flawed people, still as far away from Rest as we were when mortal. People realise it –_ they do, really_ – its just that _regrets are human_, too. And anyone would have them, which roots them to the ground and tie them and bind them so tightly -

_I regret, too._ The roaring flames stretched its arms out, and a sudden fear strike my heart.

_I don't want to die. I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want TO DIE I DON'T WANT TO DIE I DoN't WanT TO DiE dON'T waNT tO dIE_

There's still things I haven't do, things I _want_ to do – like living this life out and helping Kaa-san out in the kitchen and saying '_thank you_' to Reborn and telling him that I actually _do_ trust him, but I don't want to – and that I _will_ make the best coffee in the world one day so please wait for the day you can try it out, _you stupid coffee-addicted-child_, and beating Mochida up for Kyoko-

"I want to live..." A strangled sob escaped my throat, and a white light pierced through everything.

* * *

Reborn watched worriedly as the body remained motionless on the gym floor. He gripped his green gun tightly, and Leon whined before turning back into a chameleon, curling around his neck, unsure. He had just shot his new student with the Dying Will bullet – not being able to resist after seeing the fire of determination burning in her eyes. It was also partly to ensure the girl did not overwork herself, having just gotten the pass from the doctor but still exempted from physical overwork.

He dragged his obsidian eyes to the crowd, watching as whispers broke out and Mochida turned paler by the second when rumours that he spiked her drink circulated around the gym. Kurokawa Hana gritted her teeth, before running forward, howling for people to call the ambulance. A few ran forward as well – such as Yamamoto Takeshi, the candidate for Rain guardian as Reborn had decided with his prior research. The Sasagawa siblings ran forward as well, and someone yelled to call for a teacher, but much of the crowd stood motionless, too afraid of what happened to the girl.

Reborn clenched his fist tight, and Leon turned into a mobile phone. Knowing he had to step in before anyone called the authorities – so that he could assess the damage made by the Dying Will bullet himself-

Suddenly, a movement caught his eye, and he held his breath in anticipation as the brown-haired girl pushed herself up slowly. A flicker of orange flame came to life on Tsuna's forehead, and her orange orbs regarded the opponent heavily. The students gathered around her leaned back, a few stepping back. Tsunayume stood up, and Kurokawa breathed a relieved sigh.

_What. The. Hell. _Reborn thought, other thoughts running like a bullet train travelled five hundred miles per minute. _How the hell – did she – Hyper Dying Will mode?! No - but... _Reborn narrowed his eyes at the flickering flame on the girl's head. It looked controlled - almost as if it was kept on a leash - and -

_What the fuck - is she controlling her Dying Will Mode?!_ Reborn wanted to scream, not just because this was near-impossible, but because to overcome the Dying Will Mode might very well have resulted in the person themselves dying - to tame the sea of flames inside them instead of unleashing them as the bullet was supposed to help in. She had defied the bullet - instead taking everything in her hands and redistributing them as she liked. Reborn felt his heartbeat accelerate when he realised how close to death Tsuna was just now. _What in the actual fuck was she thinking of?_ His thoughts ran in all possible directions, hypothesising ways to deal with this situation, the aftereffects on the girl's body, and what course of action to take next.

(He expected screaming, screeching, clothes shredding and a much too hyped up girl running around tearing people's head off screaming '_Reborn!_' but not – not..._this_.)

"What the hell happened, Sawada-"

"I tripped." She offered calmly, and the ring of students around her deadpanned, before Yamamoto laughed. "Lucky! We thought something happened."

A flicker of a wry smile passed her lips, before she raised a foot and stepped down onto the sword handle, doing what Reborn realised was an advanced action to flick a fallen sword up into one's hand. The sword slapped into her hand resoundingly, and Tsuna raised the sword, pointing it at Mochida, her eyes bright, the flame on her forehead flickering calmly. The ring of concerned students took the cue to back off into the audience seat, and Reborn let Leon change back, his shoulders tense in anticipation at this turnabout of the events.

"Let's start, Mochida."

The boy gulped, before fixing a cocky smile on his face and raising his own sword.

* * *

The judge quickly kick-start the match, and Mochida rushed forward with a battle cry. A few murmurs erupted in the crowd about how he was heinous to challenge a beginner, _and a girl_, at that. I let out a sigh, before dodging at the last moment, letting his sword hit thin air.

Everything in my vision had an orange tint to them, and strangely, I felt that I could concentrate better with it. The orge in front of me gritted his teeth when he realised that I had long dodged – and I flicked my wrist quickly, hitting him on the back of his protective gear. Everyone gasped, but the judge did not raise my flag.

_Tch, lowly move, to get the judge on your side_. I thought darkly, traipsing backwards as he swung around with his sword again, the weapon raised high. I ducked as the sword closed in, letting my balance tip to the left and swinging my sword to counter his, putting all my strength into a one-time contact with his sword.

Mochida's eyes widened, clearly not expecting me to throw my weight against it, and his grip on his sword loosened slightly under the unexpected pressure.

With blitzkrieg on my side, I let go abruptly, tipping his balance for a moment before pushed him back harshly as my sword hit him square in the torso. I chanced a glance at the judge, where Kurokawa looks close to strangling him. A thump alerted me – and my sword instinctively pointed at Mochida's (who had fallen –_ who knew his balance was so substandard?_) throat, who looked close to wetting himself under my glare.

My eyes flicked dangerously to the judge, promising the same treatment if he did not end this duel right. Now.

He squeaked, raising my flag.

"Sawada wins!"

I dropped the sword in Mochida's lap, and the encasing warmth that I didn't realise was there left me – suddenly, I felt vulnerable and cold. A shiver wrack my body, and my muscles tensed. The adrenaline rushing through my veins died down, and I swallowed, feeling my dry and parched throat closing in on itself. _I won._

A feverish feel overcame me, and I blinked rapidly, feeling the cheers from the crowd echo incessantly in my ears. Footsteps thundered as students closed in on me with congratulations on their lips, and I felt cold sweat run down the side of my face.

"Sawada?" A black-haired boy asked, concerned. "You okay? You look pale." A few other students around started to mutter that I_ indeed looked pale_, and wondered if after all, Mochida really spiked my drink. A pounding in my head alerted me to Yume's presence, and I almost groaned aloud.

_What do you want?_

Silence greeted me for a moment over the words of the crowd around me. I felt suddenly claustrophobic, surrounded by all these people.

_...good job._ She said fleetingly, before her presence –_ or the headache, really _– disappeared. Another cold sweat ran down the side of my face, and I wiped it off with the back of my hand, irritated and tired. My bones felt achy – and nothing sounded better to me than a hot bath and a nap.

"I need to go now," I muttered, pushing my way through the crowd around me. I distantly hear Kurokawa and Sasagawa trying to push their way through to have a word with me – but everything felt _hazy_ and _dreamy_ as I continued my way to fresh air -

Soon enough, I found myself sitting alone in the backyard, my eyes drooping and every bone in my body seeming to scream at me for overexertion. A tingling at the back of my neck forced me to cast my eyes at the tree branch above me. Reborn jumped down from there nimbly, striding to me. He smiled approvingly, almost like...almost like_ a parent_, and I felt my eyes water at that. No one ever_ looked _at me that way – or _smiled _at me that way – or_ acknowledged_ me for my efforts – _not after Zach, or even before -_

"Good job, now rest." He commanded softly, and I fell into the deep abyss of sleep and sore bones.

* * *

**A/N: Remember that time I said I might skip things over in canon? ...I'm now resigned to the fact that I shall be rehashing and slashing everything canon apart. (sobs)**

**Anyone excited for Gokudera? I wanted him to come in this chapter, but it felt appropriate to end off there-**

**Tell me your thoughts on this chapter- did you enjoy it? What's your favourite scene/part? **

**NOTE: This fic...Sherré's flashbacks. I admit that some are untrue, but yes...there are truth in it. Tristabel, Evelyn, Grace, Calliope – they are real people. Sherré...? You have three guesses on who she is – and the one who gets it correct will get a chapter dedicated to them. Not like this question is really hard or anything-**

**Oh man, I was bawling when I wrote this.**

**Thank you for reading Paramnesia. (:**

**Dolx.**


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